Moving Through Grief in Observance
Grief. The word itself just feels heavy and bleak. So, it was no surprise to me when I looked up the definition that its root originates from the Latin word “gravare,” meaning “burden,” which is a derivative of “gravis,” meaning “heavy.” Think of gravity. It keeps us bound to the Earth. It weighs us down. So does grief.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross defined five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. While one might move through the stages in random order and even revisit levels, the goal is Acceptance. One thing to point out is that acceptance does not necessarily mean that you are okay with the loss; it means that you recognize the new reality of living in this world without that person or thing you have lost.
At first glance, one might think that grief in a higher state of consciousness is unnecessary. After all, what is there to grieve? Aren’t we all Spirit choosing to have a human/physical experience here on Earth? Energy is neither created or destroyed and the consciousness of a person does not die upon physical death! Further, if one is on the path of spiritual enlightenment, being in a state of grief is a lower energy vibration! Shouldn’t we avoid that? In “Power vs Force,” David R. Hawkins establishes a hierarchy of levels of human consciousness, with Enlightenment the goal. Grief falls below Fear! Think about that. Grief falls below the level that most humans are operating from. Therefore, I have been struggling with how to deal with the very human feelings brought forward through grief, all of which fall in the lower energy vibrations.
Grief has many levels and many faces, and how a person deals with grief is very personal. In the past six months, I have suffered three different losses—my job, my mother, and my beloved cat, Lucas. And each of these losses has produced very different grief responses. We can even talk about the Circle of Life, and how loss is necessary. We can say that my mother is in a better place, and that my cat is no longer suffering. But this hurts like hell. It is clear to me that there are no coincidences and that absolutely everything happens in the way it is supposed to (even if it does not seem that way at first).
There has been the comment that I seem to be grieving more for my cat than I did for my mother. And this brings to me to the other part of grief—judgment. No one really knows the depths of another person’s grief. You cannot always tell from the number of tears shed in public.
When I lost my job, I was sitting in the Anger phase for a few months and then my mother suddenly died. Her death was a shock, but I also knew this was what she wanted. I felt a mixture of sadness and relief, for her and for me. But I kept thinking of the “What Ifs” and “If Onlys”; things could have been, should have been, better. A few days after her burial, I found out that my cat Lucas was suffering from tongue cancer. That brave kitty went through two months of vet visits, force feedings, appetite stimulants, antibiotics, steroids, and pain medications until I finally understood that he was ready to go. That brought me to my knees. You see, Lucas has always been a constant and unending source of pure unconditional love for me. But I realize Lucas gave me another gift upon dying; his death has forced me to deal with the long-buried sorrow related to my mother. I do not grieve that she has left this earthly plane. My grief is sourced at a primal level, the sorrow of a little girl that will never have the nurturing, loving mother she always wanted. I got the angry, sarcastic, “take no prisoners” warrior mother. But this is where I learned to be strong and stand up for myself. I am proud of the gifts that she gave to me, even if the delivery was painful. Losing Lucas opened the gates to reach that deeply buried pain. And while it may be selfish to focus on my grief, I think that is exactly what is required unless I want to be stuck at this level.
I conclude that grief and all the associated emotions, whether they be lower energy vibrations, must be acknowledged and felt in order to move forward. For every “dark night of the soul” that I have lived has resulted in a gift. I remind myself of this daily. There is a light around the corner.
Trinity Energy Progression Practitioner/Facilitator