“Whether we remain the ash or become the phoenix is up to us.” ~ Ming-Dao Deng
I lay in bed that morning, languishing somewhere between waking and dreaming. This particular morning felt much different than all the others as I tried to navigate through the fog that was my mind. Even though I was just waking up for the day, I felt exhausted. It was the kind of tiredness that permeated every particle and fiber of my being. I somehow felt as if my spirit, my everlasting soul, the essence of who I know myself to be, was in the process of leaving my body, for the last time. My first thought was of my children. In that brief moment of quiet reflection, I decided that together they would be alright in the world without me. In desperation, I summoned my spiritual guides and angels, requesting their much needed help. I felt as though I no longer had the will, or the strength to carry on. Before I drifted back off to sleep, my last conscious thought was declaring to myself, “I surrender.”
After more than fifty years in this body, enduring childhood abuse, domestic violence, neglect, poverty, and ultimately trying to work through all of it in therapy, I had never surrendered before, I had never entirely given up – on me. A survivor, a fighter, it had always gone against my nature to admit that perhaps I could not count on myself any longer. It felt as if all of the suffering and pain had finally taken its toll. In what seemed like my darkest hour, I came to the realization that something would have to be different. I could no longer survive in the world like this.
Living most of my life in a deep state of denial, I thought about the words someone dear to me once said, “…once denial is broken, you can never go back.” I looked upon this vivid, yet surreal experience and felt such gratitude and at the same time, a deep sense of sadness that this is how it would end. The death grip I’d had on life was slipping, I could no longer hold on. I found myself in a place I had heard about but had never personally experienced. A place where one arrives, perhaps not knowing how they came to be there. A place one can only access after letting go of absolutely everything else.
My expectation was that I would drift off to sleep and not wake up. That somehow I would continue to depart my body and my spirit would exit this earthly existence.
What happened next was quite a surprise to me. As soon as I chose to surrender and let go, I heard a voice inside me say, “It’s not your time.” No words can express the relief and freedom I felt in that moment. Not only did I recognize that I was not alone, I knew from that point forward, my life would never be the same again. It was such a life changing and deeply freeing experience to finally, finally know that even when I was at my lowest point, I am not alone – I am – always here, in this eternal Now!
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression
In the last 3 weeks a fierce s**t storm has arrived in my life. Literally, it hit me full on and I have been in the center of it until I realized I was holding on. I was holding on to the past, to the drama, the 3D. I also knew that I had chosen this to happen as I was not in full realization of my Divinity of how ALIVE I really AM and of my power to let go completely and I mean COMPLETELY.
What I am about to share with you is my experience through the storm and the full realization of what I am and what I can do and what I am doing now.
The storm was horrific and in the moment, I saw myself right in the center of it, holding on to this thin frail reed. This thin frail reed that had deep, strong roots. I knew that I just needed to let go. That was the difficult part. I did not know how to do it. So I fought against it until something just snapped. It was the reed. I saw myself in the vortex of the storm, tossed violently left and right, and up and down. I needed to experience the storm. Chose to experience it in the event I needed to be fully aware of my rebirth into WHO I REALLY AM.
STOP! JUST STOP! STOP THE MADNESS! What am I to learn from all of this? What is it? I kept asking. Kept asking until…
It was Thursday, December 11 at around 1 am in the morning when I was in the ER with my mother. She was in the hallway on a gurney because they did not have a room for her. My sister was on the 3rd floor on a ventilator fighting to live. It had been 8 hours of just waiting and as mom’s blood pressure was rising I was meditating. Tapping in and tuning into the Divine using what I have learned through the Trinity Energy Progression™ teachings and experience with Angela Beyer Coulter and so many others who I love so very much.
As I focused in on mom’s soul, eyes wide open I called on my higher self, my angels, my guides for help. I screamed for help! Everything faded into a bright white light around her and they came. One by one infusing her and I with their love. At that moment, I just let go. I let go of her, of my sister, of my life and they all turned to me and said, “You do realize that you are a living Divine being just like us? You do realize that you cannot die and that you like us, are alive on so many other levels of existence? You do realize that you are now alive in a way that you have never been before because you are fully awake and aware that you are living as a Divine being like us? Do you realize your Divinity? Do you see that you are able to let it all go and watch it flow because you are LIVING ETERNALLY?”
With that, I just sat there and felt their love, my love flow and let go. I died in a way… OR better said, I was REBORN. With the realization of WHO I AM I was REBORN. I set the intention to just let go because I AM ALIVE now and will continue to live forever. I am Divine. WE are Divine. We are forever alive and living. Everything that may be an irritant, a worry, a lack of time or a lack of this or that or the other is of no consequence because WE LIVE ETERNALLY FOREVER. This experience in the 3D is not limiting and does not have to continue to be difficult if we JUST LET GO.
Today and 3 weeks later, my sister is off the ventilator, breathing on her own. My mother is at home and has some health issues but that just doesn’t matter. I just don’t care in the way I did before. Time has changed, too. For instance I get up and I do what I want to do to get from point A and B; and do not even look at the clock because I know it just does not matter. I am FREE. I am DIVINE. I am moving at my pace on my own terms FOREVER in my DIVINITY to experience what I came here to do. Through Trinity and in the chamber I go every night on my own terms. I do not need or want of anything because everything is forever and is as it should be – PERFECT!
My experience like yours is mine. No pressure. Be who you came here to be. I love you FOREVER.
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression™