Tag: awakening

 

Getting to Know the Notorious Me

I used to be afraid of being “notorious” as I’ve always been a bit different. I wanted to “fit in”, to be known, to be liked. The issue is … I don’t think I’ve felt that way towards myself. Yet I’ve wanted it from outside of me. Except I also didn’t want to be like everyone else. Go figure.

 In other words, I’ve had this contentious and confusing relationship with myself, and I wanted others to approve of me, when I haven’t approved of myself.

I’ve been on a path for a while to get to know myself although the path is a bit different than I had been on. Little did I know how the two were related, per the origins of the word “notorious”:

1540–50;  Medieval Latin notorius evident, equivalent to no(scere ) to get to know (see notify) + -torius -tory

I don’t approach life the way most people do.  In addition to a more open perspective on life, my brain processes information differently than almost anyone I know, or any of those who know me, know. Makes life interesting. I’ve always felt different, and lately, I’ve been feeling even more so.

More and more I’ve come to accept how I’ve been in life ….  identify what comes naturally to me …. choosing what beliefs and perspectives are important to me versus what I thought should be …. choosing where I want to move out of a current comfort zone.

My entire life, I am used to being the one with the vision … the one blazing the trail … the one striking the path …. the one leading the team, whether I meant to or not, it just kind of happens.

For the past few years, I’ve enjoyed living without the need for much external validation.

Nowadays, I usually live more in the present ….. more focused on moving forward versus living from the past … more focused on thriving, joy, laughter ….

Then the past few weeks happened. Lately, I’ve been clearing and purging and processing and shifting and releasing and creating. I’ve been moody, emotional, out of sorts, judgmental, reactive, fearful, angry, resentful, etc. Not all of the time, but way more than I would like to live in and not how I am used to living my life, anymore.

I’m not getting things done when I’ve told others they would, or planned things would be complete. I don’t like this. Even more, I don’t like that I’m seeing this as a pattern in my life, whether there are factors seemingly out of my control or not.  Which started me looking at other parts of who I thought I was.

Then, it hit me ….

I FEEL LOST.

I’m starting to see that I haven’t been completely who I, or others, thought I was. Nor, in some cases, is that who I want to be. I’ve been feeling like a fraud, a fake, an imposter …. and that’s the worst. Seeing what I have contorted myself to be, to fit the mold of others.

 I see that I’ve been betraying myself, over and over … and then get outraged if someone seemingly does that to me.

 I’m not sure who I am. I’m not sure who I really have been. Who has defined who I’m supposed to be? I’ve been living on auto-pilot … which is broken and no longer working for me.

 WHO DO I WANT TO BE? What choices am I making? What choices do I want to make?

Because I’m experiencing a LOT of change in my life,  I’m also experiencing a sense of overwhelm. I’m being put into a position of having to come face-to-face with the last 20 or so years of my life and well, it’s not all fun. In the process, I’ve been encountering one thing after another which is breaking down, burping, blowing up around me. AWKWARD.

In the midst of organizing tons of papers in boxes going back years and years, I’m coming face to face with what I’ve done and not done. I’m feeling nostalgic, regretful, sometimes proud and pleased. Mostly, UNPLEASANT.

I’ve been consolidating electronic files, merging duplicate files from over the past two decades … External hard drives have been crashing, before files could be pulled off.  In the process of recovering what could be, and I got sick, I authorized destroying a hard drive which had been damaged before I checked what came off it. I lost YEARS and years of sole copies of my extensive work product, which I thought defined me. Even though I have some in paper form … SICKENING.

I’m experiencing odd issues with my computer, my phone, and especially my internet. Repeated tech visits, nothing helps. Everything is moving sooooo slow, which is part of what prompted getting the electronic files merged and consolidated. Then, crash. My tires needed to be unexpectedly replaced when one got damaged and went flat. The motor on our ac went out for the 2nd time in 9 years, and we have to pay for the labor.  FRUSTRATING.

I’m clearing out a lot of items in my home, redoing walls, etc. Sometimes I’m having a tough time letting go of things, even though I haven’t used something for years, and/or I’m hearing it’s time to let the item move on. I can’t find things I need, such a paper to get a sizable reimbursement. Items I love are breaking. UNCOMFORTABLE.

I’ve been detoxing and working on a metabolic reset. My body is getting healthier, and I’ve been able to start exercising again. My body is starting to reflect a shape again, and this makes my mom happy. I have a wedding for my nephew in June, and the pressure is mounting as it’s not progressing “fast enough” for what I’d like. YIKES.

My primary relationships are shifting. I’m still integrating connecting with members of my birth family (I was adopted) and the unexpected reactions in my (adopted) family members and myself. There are other primary relationships and situations shifting in fundamental ways. STRESSFUL.

I have a number of people in my life, and one in particular, close to me, who are acting as perfect mirrors for behaviors and words about me, that I needed to see in myself. All the ugly, seemingly cruel stuff I am hearing is really just a reflection of the ugly, cruel things I’ve been saying to myself. UGLY.

I’ve been guided to explore unexpected ways of supporting myself financially, on a long-term basis and in a sustainable way. Utilizing some of my natural skills and requiring developing new and emerging skills. I’m interacting with “new” people.  PANIC-INDUCING.

A lot of what has worked for me in the past as distractions, doesn’t work anymore. The familiar coping mechanisms no longer work the same way, and primarily no longer work.  DISTRESSING.

My usual way of being, what I’m familiar with is being shaken from to the core …. My foundation is being reset, restructured … I don’t have much familiar to fall back on. I’m usually the one with the answers. SCARY.

Everything is taking way longer … takes more effort. I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING A LOT OF THE TIME, lately. Even in doing this blog, my computer locked up and I had to reboot it, and a number of times I just had to sit and wait for it.

WHAT’S THE POINT IN SHARING ALL THIS? Especially since I rarely ever vent much, let alone publicly, as I don’t need nor desire any sympathy.

I’m feeling LOST. Life is feeling AWKWARD … UNPLEASANT … SICKENING … FRUSTRATING … UNCOMFORTABLE … STRESSFUL …. PANIC-INDUCING … UGLY …. DISTRESSING.

UMMM, YIKES.

I say I want peace in my life, and my life isn’t reflecting this. So, maybe I don’t really want peace. The “committee in my head” starts to gear up for bashing me, my life, my past, my present, my future.

STOP.

Today ….. I have tools to stay in the awkward, uncomfortable, frustrating, stressful, distressing, sickening, panic-inducing, ugly, scary … and have it not be more than where I am, in the moment. 

 I have tools to stay in the present …. and not return to the past, nor project failure into the future.

 I have tools to not freeze in the present, just because I’m feeling lots of potentially overwhelming feelings.

 Today, I can choose to face the feelings, accept them, acknowledge them, and choose new ones … and if I don’t, that’s okay.

Today, I have the ability to choose. Let’s see who I choose to create.

Run from what’s comfortable.
Forget safety.
Live where you fear to live.
Destroy your reputation.
Be notorious.
I have tried prudent planning long enough.
From now on I’ll be mad.

~ Rumi

Laurel Ley
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner

Experience Magical Healing Outside of Linear Time

Last month, eight of us experienced magnificent, expanding, life changing, healing, purifying, magical moments in Mt. Shasta, CA.

During our retreats, the focus is on going within and dissolving what holds us back from realizing our Divine potential. Part of the experience includes extensive self-directed energy healing work, meditation, and reflection… and pushing ourselves beyond our previous limits. We did work together and individually; we meditated alone and we shared meditations too. One of the ongoing exercises is a vortex where we all focus on one in the group at a time.

We experienced deep and intense shares from our vortex exercises; full of epiphanies and breakthroughs… many of you felt and/or are still feeling it too, because – outside of space and time – many of you who practice Oneness consciousness, even though you might not have been physically present, also felt and have experienced the shifts.

I was blessed to meet and share with some of the most beautiful beings in my soul tribe I have met thus far in this life. One of them was, a magical, full of joy, very special being named Sandi.

I had heard of her in the past. I also knew she’d had a very serious health situation last year where she found herself choosing to stay or go. The details were not very clear to me at the onset of the retreat. However, throughout the experience, we effortlessly and quietly connected; I later learned about our shared love for music, sound, yoga, and magical fun experiences!

In one of our shares, Sandi was in the middle of the vortex; what I saw and experienced during the exercise was very interesting and different…and I was guided not to share at that moment. I judged and judged myself for not sharing, thinking it was negative and low vibration compared to the beautiful understandings the others shared, yet the Higher plan was different. I chose then to embrace myself and be courageous to share privately with her.

In the beginning of the vortex, I’d expected that connecting with this magical visionary would provide an equally magical experience with her. Instead… I found myself in a hospital room… Seriously? I remember feeling confused and a bit annoyed, yet I allowed and flowed with it. It only took a few moments to realize what I was seeing, since I remembered she had been in the hospital the year before. I immediately looked at the bed and saw her… and things made more sense. I was the observer and also participating.

She looked fragile and a bit lifeless, yet inside she was vibrant but annoyed and anxious because she wasn’t able to communicate to tell the doctors what to do. It was an empty and dull place; she wanted out of there. All of a sudden I saw all of us in the vortex, standing around the bed where Sandi was laying. Her soul was happy to see us as we started asking her (telepathically) what assistance she needed… she was ready to let us know what to do! She knew what needed to be done, it seemed no one around her in the 3D quite knew what to do even though they were very concerned about her health. We were moving around doctors and other people around her, totally invisible to them.

I remember her telling us where and how to make changes energetically, to affect the physical. It was quick! As she shifted her energy and we shared with her, she began moving into this cat kneading pose that earlier during our Mt. Shasta retreat that had initially been a joke… and there was significant change.

Choosing to share my vortex experience with Sandi that night (then further discussion later, after the trip) not only validated things that I saw, but it also brought up some things for her to remember that has also validated some of her experiences, too. We are still in awe from all of this… the logical mind thinks, “How crazy!”

A funny synchronicity was this “cat kneading pose” joke… (Funny enough, as I’m writing this, my cat just joined me! She literally put her tail on my face, turned around and sat next to me!).

Sandi and I had a moment during the trip when we were talking and sharing about our love for yoga; in the process, we came up with with the pose: laying with your back on the floor and the legs over the head, like a Karna Pindasana (yoga posture)/Alanda Balasana (happy baby pose). Then, moving one’s hands like a cat kneading in the air. We laughed so much! So, when I shared my experience seeing her doing that, it hit me: Seeing her doing that pose was a transformative message of unity and recognition, in showing me that what we were doing was helping her to heal/change her reality, even though I didn’t know her yet in linear time!

Later, she shared with me that in the beginning of her recovery (because she couldn’t talk or move much), one of the initial exercises she did when she first woke up from her extended hospital stay was moving her fingers like a cat kneading. So if we removed ourselves from the limitations of linear time… we could recognize that it’s quite possible that we “jokingly” created such a “pose” today, in a way that she could use it in the “past” to help to heal and recover Or, did she forget she used it, so we could have a fun opportunity to remember together, and circle back around?

Pretty wild, right?

After this experience, I view every moment differently. I never thought that part of dissolving what holds me back during our Mt. Shasta retreat would include pushing myself out of my comfort zone to fully own and express myself and my higher consciousness experiences; accepting myself as I am, where I am, knowing that everything has a purpose!

What we’re going through is beyond magical! The more we push and allow ourselves to experience well beyond our logical mind, the more we can realize and trust that all is perfectly orchestrated; the more we do that, the more we experience moments in multidimensionality, and can do so outside of space and time.

Yashmin
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner

Bored? Detached? Consciously (Un)Familiar Territory

I am inspired about a conversation we had in a Trinity Energy Progression Practitioner Share the other nigt.  Conversation came up about how we are tired of the game, and that there is a reluctance within us to respond, engage or feel anything toward the 3D stage and all the absurdity that is being played out upon it. It feels that we are left with an apathetic shrug and descend from its drama. In this divergence we desire to be removed from the game all together. Though in this desire of disconnection from the plot and its set, it has severed connectivity to the deeper level of who we are. In here avails an opportunity to mend and grow from. This conversation awakened something similar within myself that I want to explore and understand. The following is my attempt to grasp meaning or understanding. In this place of finding meaning, I will bring tribute to my ego and mind, and give way for it to try to work it this out, before releasing or relinquishing the reigns of control to guidance and a higher or more valid principal of myself. Because of course, my right foot is still more firmly planted in 3D than my other foot is in the unknown.  Hopefully, this next section will loosen that foothold and turn the balance to being brilliantly planted into the unknown.

We in the healing community find ourselves in a strange and unfamiliar place.  In fact, we are so much in the place that we are, it is hard to look at it from another perspective. What am I talking about, you ask. This may resonate with you in some way. I hear from others in our circle, as well as experience and feel myself, the lackluster of this 3D being version of self. There is a veil that has been lifted that has taken away my innocence. The realization that there is no “Santa Claus” or that Barbie and Ken are only dolls or that this “reality” is nowhere in proximity of the truth to being real is creeping into my consciousness. Sure, I have “known” this for some time. But just like when I was 7, I knew that playing house may not be exactly the same as being a grown up. Though when that transition took place, it was so much more radical and different than I could comprehensively fathom. So here now, I find myself on the fence between two worlds. One foot is the drama-rich place of life and believing it is real, and the other foot is grazing the surface of the unknown. This is a frustrating place to be.  A lot of trauma and drama is surfacing as I face this. How are you responding to it? I know I am not dealing so well. I am cocooning into a void much like an emotionally unavailable teenager retreating into their bedroom to avoid both the world they came from and the world they are expected to grow into. So yes, I am sulking, maybe many of us are. Though we are a bit more awake than the teenager, in that we can see that something is up. We could say in teenage vernacular that “life sucks” and “why me,” BUT we know that is not true. We are NOT alone and this not a self-centered me thing, but an US predicament.  I believe we hear the phrase “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore!”

Yes, I understand, that this “hormonal”-like rush is taking place and that we are being positioned and made ready for the next stage. But here on this rolling scale (depending on the day and the hour), is a rage, an impatience, or an unimpressed vesicle who at the end of the day is just more and more blasé to it all. And friends, this is where I judge myself and say something just isn’t right about the loss of that loving feeling. This is where it resembles the antithesis of a what it may mean to be an energy healer.  So, while being on the verge of an existential crisis, I’d like to step away from that ledge all together.  And here is where I remember (or remind myself to remember to remember) that this is what happens when we give reign to the ego.  That part who loves to hate the drama and hates to love the action of being hooked into this wild ride of unreason.

In taking a look at all this drama and coming to the realization that it is time to let go, it is also time to let go of the belief that there is futility in the act of letting go. And ok, I’ll say it, it is time for allowing the big shift to occur, the big step to take place, and the ultimate “get into our big girl/boy pants” moment is now.  It is time to give our ego a big hug and huge expression of gratitude and thanks to all that it has done. But we acknowledge that its reign is over and we are attending the coronation where the so-called crown is to be placed upon our higher self, our connected self ,our all loving and trusting and knowing self.  This is a new time and place where time is timeless and place is placeless.  This is for our best, where we are truly free to be our most ultimate expression.

Thanks for the metaphorical journey (kool-aidless of course :-))!  I love all of your bright lights.  Eager to join you through this evolution and on our next level of being.

Namaste,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dee Jones
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner

To Each… Their Own Journey

My awakening started 3 years ago. However, when I say those words, I know that this has been coming for many, many years before that pivotal moment 3 years ago.

It was more than just a realization for me. It was a deep pull inward that kept calling me to pay attention to it. My dreams were filled with faces, and words, and vivid ethereal landscapes and colors so bright I could not define them as any colors I have seen here in the 3D. Something in me had changed, and I could not describe it to anyone. I felt alone.  Then came Ezekiel. A strong and gentle guide. He kept prodding me forward. Kept saying his name to me. Ezekiel guided me and I eventually listened. At first, I was impatient with him. I realize now that it wasn’t until I let go and allowed him to really guide me that this is when I started to really listen and pay attention.  He guided me to Angela’s web site.  For many of us it is a deep pull like what I experienced, for some it manifests as an illness, or trauma of some kind that pulls at  the soul until you can no longer deny it. It is my understanding that each soul having their own journey, experiences their awakening in their own unique way. Each soul having their own pathway to remember. Each soul unique in their own expression of their experience.

My soul felt a shift to find my soul family. To find my path. To learn as much as I could because I yearned for it. I have yearned for something greater and more expansive since I was knee high, maybe smaller. I could at a very young age feel things and see things I understood others around me could not. The transitioning of a butterfly from our world to the next, I could feel its last breath. The watchers, the tall dark shadow people or spirits. They came and stood over me or near me. They would talk to me during dream state and in waking state. I shut it all down for a while, protecting myself until I was ready to explore this side of me.

The information came slowly at first; I was being guided by many now. Their names do not matter. Little waves of dots connecting a fine path that lead me here… To this moment. To this day. I have experienced many moments, some small, some big yet always guiding me and connecting me in some way to another doorway that eventually leads to another doorway and then another. Funny thing is that the learning I yearned for and how I understand it to be now is really known to me now as remembering who I am. Remembering the depth of myself, my worth, my soul path. The soul family that I have been reunited with here and in other avenues have given me so many gifts, many moments of remembering on so many levels. One such moment happened while on retreat on Orcas Island with the Trinity family.

I was guided to go, knowing that this would be an expansive moment for the group, for the collective and yes for me as well. I was not prepared for what came forward. It presented itself at first in a way that overwhelmed me physically and emotionally. I panicked. This was a moment during group meditation. I was surrounded by my soul family and in the midst of my panic attack which was a 3D moment, I looked towards Angela and connected in and there she was, there they all were supporting me forward.

During this meditation I saw a large being. He had a strong masculine presence and he shared with me, that there was another being coming soon. He asked me if I was open to this moment and to this being and I acknowledged that I was. The being had his back to me. I could not see his face but he was rather tall with really wide shoulders. He was bald. Sort of reminded me of Mr. Clean but on a much grander level. 🙂

His presence resonated as “I am the protector.”

I shared this with the group and moved on with our day together.

Nicole and I shared a room during the retreat. The last night of our retreat, after we had all settled in for the night, Nicole was meditating I went into my own space again. A space I enjoy going into every night and morning, meditative and beautiful. In that moment  I felt a strong shift in the room, nothing like I have ever felt before! I looked up and around. Lifted my head to get a better view and there they were. Flowing in waves through the walls towards me. From each side on every angle they were coming and as they came, or as I understand now, as the energy came it melded through me and then into my core. The energy electric as it held me in an immobile state for 20 minutes or more… with every wave, the electric pulse surged through me. With every surge, the pulse became stronger. It never hurt me. It only held me immobile until the clearing subsided. I could see the energy coming in from the forest outside of the house we were in and into the room and then into me. As the energy pulses came I could barely get out a few sentences. When I could I spoke to Nicole and described what I was feeling. She helped me through the moment, as the energies were intense and my body felt as if it were being gently electrocuted. I was surrounded in a loving embrace. His name…Metatron. The next day, as I woke from a blissful sleep, I was not the same. I had been given a gift. That gift did not truly reveal itself until my birthday several months later. I now call that gift “The Crackle.” It comes to me as an electric surge, powerful and filled with love. It helps me acknowledge what is true for me to understand and if concentrated on another soul or myself, it helps me heal them or myself.

I share this with you all now, because I understand this to be a gift given to me… yet it is something I have always had from many lifetimes past. This is my journey and I share my understanding and guidance with you knowing that your journey is so uniquely different and filled with your own pathways leading you to your own awakening and gifts, however it manifests to you. Namaste family. I love you all dearly!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sevi Costaras
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner

 

The Universe Has Our Back: We Are Constantly Being Held…

supportedroadThere have been major shifts that have been occurring that have pushed all of us on the path that we are supposed to be travelling. I know that for myself, I’ve been dragging my feet for some time. I had been standing still for so long that I didn’t know how to take a step forward.  I was terrified to stay in the space I was in, and at the same time terrified of where I was to go.

However, this past summer, all that changed. I experienced the life I so desire and I couldn’t stand still anymore. I know the steps that must be taken in order to live the way I dream… and they aren’t simple. Well, that’s not true. In a way, they are. They’re simple because what they will reveal is my Truth. I’ve been so afraid of accepting this and ashamed of what others would think that I have hidden it for way too long. I have lived a half-life, and I now know that I am worthy of so much more! I will no longer be what someone else wants me to be. I will no longer be something that would make me acceptable to others. I must be exactly who I was created to be… and that has come through so loudly that I can no longer ignore the signs.

This brings me to the title of this entry, for throughout the whole process, I’ve had to overcome enormous amounts of fear and self-doubts. When I thought that I couldn’t possibly dredge up anymore unworthiness, self-doubt, fear, anger, sadness, and loneliness, more would surface. When I felt like I was so alone that I wouldn’t make it through, the Universe was holding me. It was holding me in so many ways and I was oblivious. It hasn’t been until literally within the past few weeks that I’ve received such clarity! A few weeks ago was one of those times where I felt like I was dying, and what happened blew me away. Many of the amazing people that I’m lucky to have in my life stepped forward at exactly the moment I needed them. There is no way I could’ve even thought it out so perfectly. I was so humbled by it and it brought me to my knees. I then started to see how I have been held for so long and I had been blind to it the whole time. Even when circumstances are not what we like, we are being held because it is pushing us to our Truth. Now, I can see the love in every little thing. I see it when the perfect person reaches out to me at just the right moment. When I hear the perfect song plays on the radio. When I’m driving by and the sun is shining at just the right angle. I see it when I receive and listen to the perfect guidance – I’ve been getting better at that one! What a gift!  I see it when I know that I am at the perfect job at this moment, for it is providing exactly what I need. I feel it when the perfect bite of food nourishes me. I see it when a stranger gives me a smile. I see it when I sit with myself and am amazed at who I am finally revealing myself to be. The Universe has our back at every moment of every day… from the most minute ways to the ones that blow our minds. I have no words to express how grateful and humbled I am by this love. All I can say over and over again is, “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

cguido

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cathy Guido
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner