Tag: david parent

 

Taking Down the Pedestal

pedestal-carry-finalIt happens to everyone; people put others on a pedestal for various reasons. For me, it all comes down to one reason; I was looking for something outside of myself that I felt I could not be myself. Notice what I said: I could not BE myself. It happens all the time in the spiritual community. And it may not be one sided; the person on the pedestal, consciously or unconsciously, knows they are on it and some want to keep it that way.

I did this with girlfriends. Without someone who loves me, I wasn’t complete. I did this with my mother; she’s always right because she yells the loudest. That may not seem like a reason to put someone on a pedestal, but when you’re young, there are no requirements for this. It just happens. My mother was one of those where the person felt they should be on the pedestal. Why? “Because I’m the mother, that’s why!” That’s what I mean by yelling the loudest. Why did she yell loudly? Because she is exclusively externally validated.

What I’ve realized about myself is I’ve taken people off of the pedestal, but the pedestal remained. When I’ve taken people off, there is a pull away from that person. Usually this has been precipitated by a blow up that confuses me. I try to figure out what is going on while my ego is also trying to grab the ground it feels is rightly its own. But I focus on the conversation and what’s being said because the other persons’ ego is doing the same thing. I ask honest questions and unwittingly aggravate the situation and feel more confused by it.

An unconscious message I received from my mother was that I am responsible for other peoples’ feelings. If I upset anyone, it’s my job to make them feel better along with fixing the situation. That’s where this all comes from. When this situation is happening, I am being the mirror to the other and the other is getting more and more upset with me for reflecting back what they’ve said and I get confused. That’s my part of keeping this going is the confusion because I keep asking questions based on what was said and what was said was ego based and doesn’t hold up under questioning.

I have been on the other side of this fence many times also. It’s not a pleasant experience when I calm down, and it would feed my big sense of unworthiness at that time. It said, “See? See what happens when you talk about how you feel and it’s upsetting to someone else?” How I felt was never taken into consideration at all… and what that can do is create someone who doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings because the message is “emotions are too painful.”

This year (2016) I had some soreness in my left wrist and the top of my arm. Nothing happened to make it so, it just slowly showed up. I would do yoga and realize there were positions I had a harder time doing because of my wrist. I also realized my balance seemed to be worse than I remember it. Doing the Tree position was always a challenge, but I had gotten better at it. Suddenly, it seemed I really couldn’t hold it even for the brief time I had been able to. I couldn’t stop wobbling. The same with the Warrior Two movements; those I never had a balance issue until this time.

So, with all of the above in the background, I had another back-and-forth with a close friend. This wasn’t the first one, but it was a side I started to see more of with this person and the same scenario above played itself out. When this happens, I have the hardest time letting it go until I feel I understand the whole thing. I let myself get locked into a loop. A day later, after unplugging from it by doing something for myself, it came into focus; I had this person still on a pedestal. I say still because I was already aware I had done that, but I thought I had taken care of it. I hadn’t, so I did right then in meditation.

I realized not only did I have this person on a pedestal, but also I was holding the pedestal up. Why would I create a pedestal and not be the one to hold it up? It’s mine so I’m going to hold it. Picture that; there is someone on a pedestal, under them is the pedestal (I always pictured it as a solid marble Roman column), under that is me holding both up. Not only did I put myself under the person, but also I am under the pedestal, which is also my creation. I am below my own creation. The pedestal deserves more than I give myself because it holds the person who “makes” me feel better about myself. But the old patterns still apply; if that person “makes” me feel bad, it’s their responsibility to “make” me feel good, right? For me: yes and no. Yes because of the pattern, but no because I am unworthy to feel good because I have “made” people feel bad in the past, so, in the long run, no.

I have done this with women most throughout my life, and this case was no different. The next morning I put it together that maybe the soreness in my wrist and arm was because I was holding up a person and a pedestal and it made sense since the left is the feminine side. I went into meditation and removed the person and the pedestal. The next day I did a couple of exercises that used my wrist and upper arm and they were not sore at all. I did Tree and Warrior Two and my balance was like I remembered it.

What is striking about this is the soreness I had felt for months on and off. I felt it was telling me this is coming to the surface. By being aware of it for months, it would be in the forefront of my consciousness when the reason for it being there came up. It also pointed out to me what I was being shown all along but avoided seeing until now: The reason this kept happening was because I wasn’t fully aware I kept doing it. Each time it happened was a chance to change it and I never took it until now because I didn’t feel worthy enough to totally rely on myself for what I always looked for outside of me: completeness, wholeness and unconditional love of myself. I will say the soreness didn’t completely disappear initially, though it was less sore. It would come and go but not as much or often. Sometimes it can take a little time to work itself out while I’m still meditating on what came up. As I write this, I don’t think about it as much because I no longer vibrate at that frequency.

Things were sorted out between my friend and I. We each looked within ourselves and dealt with whatever was being shown to us. We didn’t need to talk about it afterwards. Now rather than having only two points marked ‘black’ and ‘white’, I’ve allowed the full color spectrum and relationship to exist anywhere on that line. The reason the only choices were black and white was because of the void I looked to be filled by someone else. Either you did it or you didn’t. And the reason it always failed was I never said to that person, “I am looking for someone to fill this. Will you be that person?” It was all internal and the other had no idea it was happening. Actually, they usually did have a feeling, all the way to a knowing it was happening, as did I except when I was submerged in it. I now live on an infinite continuum rather than two confined points. The only way I can achieve that is to allow myself to be anywhere on the continuum.

What brought these experiences to me was the energy of the pedestal. It brought people to me, not to fill the void I felt I had, but to make me aware of the pedestal itself so that I would consciously remove it. The whole process was agreed upon at a higher level. What’s important to me is my end of it and how I feel based on living my truth. As long as I know I am in that, that’s all there is. And it’s the same for the other person but their truth may not sync up with mine. How can truth not sync up with itself? The more you delve into details, the more ego is involved. But someone can still disagree with someone else about something and still be living their truth. On a higher level, the truth is about something more broad and expansive. Just because we disagree on something doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. That’s the bigger truth. It does sync up with someone else’s truth because it’s the same truth. The higher you go, the more truth syncs up with itself because there are fewer of them. The lower you go, the less it does. And what looks like a disagreement on the lower level may be a higher-level thing playing itself out. For me, it’s living my truth and allowing a disagreement to exist between another and myself and continuing to love that person and myself. That was baffling to me because the shock I absorbed when I was young was, “You agree with me on everything regardless of whatever else I do or say.” That’s where all the mirror questions would come from and they were scary to say because there was always ‘consequences.’ An intense energy coming at me in the form of “Accept what I am saying and stop questioning me,” which is merely showing the lack of self-worth from the other and myself because if it’s in my reality, I asked for it to be there for a reason.

It is an amazing lesson to finally learn. The more you resist becoming aware of the lessons you ask to learn before incarnating, the more intense they are going to come to you until you get it. It may make an exciting story, but it is not needed. We don’t need to learn lessons by intense situations. That energy can be better spent moving more freely and progressing your soul. At the end of your life, you could be at the 600-mile marker or have gone so far that you went off the planet and don’t need to come back. You achieved all. And that choice is unique to everyone.

DParent

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

David Parent
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner

This Blog is SO Five Minutes Ago!

TimeLots of people have felt this: Something happens, particularly emotional, and an hour later, it can feel like two hours ago. After becoming a Trinity Energy Progression™ Practitioner (Jan ’14), and then a Facilitator (July ’15), I noticed this phenomenon start to happen regularly; an hour ago could feel either like five minutes or a day ago. Lots of practitioners and facilitators I know have spoken about this and we all laugh about it. What I hear is that it’s timelines collapsing into one. I can’t say I fully grasp that, but I’ve heard it so much that I just accept it and live my life…or lives…which are all happening now…not in the past…or the future…despite that it really feels like time moves forward, I’m told it doesn’t…it’s all now…did you miss it? Here it is again…did you miss it? Here it is again…do you understand now? No? Don’t ask me…I just live here.

There is a rotating schedule for writing these blogs. I was happy with my previous ones. For the first one, a topic came to me while I was walking. Great. For this one I typed a title that I was feeling last week. It felt good, but I didn’t write anything at the time. I put it on my desktop so I’d see it and remember I had a blog to write. When I looked at that title, I felt, ‘That was last week. I’m not feeling that now.’ The thing is, I’m sitting here writing this all at once and by the end it may feel like…meh.

It can be difficult if every five minutes you are someone new! This is a good thing; you are constantly changing and shedding yourself. That’s a great example of being in the flow, which is one of the best lessons shown to me by Trinity. But it can be a pebble in your shoe when your trying to find a name for your Website or business and you keep changing every five minutes.

While this can be frustrating (if you are someone who allows that type of thing), what it’s really showing is how awesome life is and, especially, how much we have grown. If we don’t react to and accept when things like this happen, that is a sure sign you are doing very well, Young Padawan! You are the proverbial duck allowing water to roll off of its back. It is constant checking of yourself; ‘You did well in this moment…now how about this one?’ Constant, it never ends, just like you. You never end, so why would this? It’s constant inward awareness, which is what all of this is really about. And yet, that awareness from five minutes ago can seem like an hour ago, which can seem like a week ago to infinity…plus one.

I see this particular blog as more fun than a topic that I am bothered by at this moment (or this one). This doesn’t really bother me a lot. The reason for writing it at this point did come from someone saying about how limiting the word healing is to them now because it implies the past and we have moved past that. I didn’t have any doubt about my Website name (TSHealing) one second before that sentence. But when it was said, I could feel it. That made me want to look for a new name. But when I really check in if this is something I want to change, at this moment, the answer is yes, but it’s not too pressing although I am now getting myself out there more than I ever have so this is something I want to change. It’s just that when I chose the name, it was over a year ago. I’m not that person anymore. But if I chose a name now, I won’t be that person anymore either probably by the time I finish typing this sentence…now…period.

What I can remind myself is the Website is not for me, it’s for everyone else. And while I do want it to feel reflective of who I am, who I am doesn’t sit still long enough for GoDaddy to take the money out of my checking account when I buy a new domain name that I no longer feel represents me. What does that bring us to? No words. We are heading towards not using words anymore because we can feel the limitations of them. It doesn’t make them a bad thing, it just…how do I put this… … …

So here we are in what feels like the end of this blog. It started taking about how time no longer feels like what it used to and now is about words no longer being enough to relay the energy we now feel and are. I will say that I do not feel ‘meh’ here at the end of it. I actually feel very good because I didn’t know where this river was going when I started! I just allowed it to flow. While I can feel that I’ve let something go, I can also feel closer to something even five minutes later. This blog is both. I feel closer to my own divinity by just jumping in and allowing it to take me wherever it will.

However, one thing you will never hear said is, ‘That love is so five minutes ago’…

DParent

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

David Parent
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner

Lowering Your Own Vibration for Others

DParent0116I went home over the holidays this recently past year (2015). I live in North Carolina, but I am originally from Massachusetts. This is the third time I’ve visited for a few days since I moved, but the first since I took Trinity Energy Progression™. I wondered how I would feel and respond to the environment that I grew up in and how it would respond to me. The most noticeable change about me was I colored my hair (the box said lavender, but it looks pink). I had my hair colored a couple of times (a more natural red) as a teenager so this is nothing new to people.

I wasn’t nervous about my trip at all. But I was curious if I’d talk about how I felt about things or not. I can be a quiet person and not throw my hair into the ring, but sometimes I will if I’m feeling it. Nothing really came up because the people who are family and close friends in MA, aren’t really spiritually minded in the way I am. What is there for some is God and fearfulness, which, to me, doesn’t add up. I accept that and don’t really see any reason to question their reality unless moved. I was not moved to do it on this trip. I did have one of the best times with my family in a long while. The previous ones have been good, but this one I laughed a lot with them.

My parents have been divorced since I was four so I’m used to two sides of my family. They are both very different. One side is quieter, more low-key. The people who married into this side are all more talkative, which balances out the quiet of that side. The other side is louder and much closer to each other. Both sides love to laugh and I had a blast with both of them. A big part of that was my own self work and what I’ve let go of.

I also visit a couple of friends every trip. I enjoy their company and that of their families. When I go to MA, I realize that all along I had been connecting to the area since I was young; the trees especially and where things happened for me. I would relive those feelings and it was always enjoyable. This trip was different. I didn’t realize how in the now I am because I was waiting for those feelings to happen, and they never really did. I felt like I just floated through the area and people of my past and present. I was still connected and enjoyed whatever happened when it happened, but after it was done, I didn’t give it much, if any, thought…unlike in the past when I would give it thought all the time. There was no nostalgia this time around.

With Trinity, some practitioners and facilitators can bring up stuff in people without even knowing them because of the difference of vibration. This happened while I was there. When something comes up, I ask my guidance; ‘Is me being around causing this effect?’ (and it’s typically affirmative). Someone got suddenly sick for a day or two the second day I was there. Another came down with a cold, and yet another reacquainted themselves with their bathroom for a day after I left.

About the third day (out of five), I noticed my throat getting scratchy. I asked if I was taking something on for someone and got ‘yes’. But I recently had this same thing happen and because I focused on it enough, it became mine, and that’s exactly what happened. I’ve had a scratchy throat before and have skipped the cold part. I didn’t this time.

When things like this happen I ask, ‘What’s the lesson here?’ Everything is a lesson! I understood that I was releasing something, and that I needed to see what it was I was releasing (which isn’t always the case)… even though that didn’t come through until I returned to North Carolina.

I often piece things together and ask yes/no questions to affirm. I thought, well, I allowed a cold to happen. I didn’t think that I “came down with a cold,” but I allowed this to happen… so why? In going back to where I grew up, I really felt the vibration of the place. It was heavy. I was used to that. So much so, I wouldn’t acknowledge heavy sometimes because I didn’t want to look at it. I notice it now, but don’t connect with it anymore. I did before. As a matter of fact, I reveled in it. I identified with it and molded myself from it. These people knew that David.

Heavy is a lower vibration. A cold is a lower vibration. For me to allow a cold means I consciously or unconsciously lowered my vibration. Because I now feel so vibrationally different from my family and few close friends I still have, I lowered my vibration and allowed a cold so I could connect with them in some way. Everyone can relate to a cold, so I chose that. Why the hell would I do that to myself? The answer was, because I feared not connecting with these people – and therefore, my past – at all.

I’ve been letting go of a lot of things and that starts to play itself out by people you know dropping out of your life for whatever reason. I am usually fine with this, because it means I don’t have to feel their energy anymore, but I still think about them and miss them while wishing them well and sending love to them.

A big part of this is accepting where others are. I grew up with personalities that are very forceful. That’s a big reason why I am not when I’m around others who are; I didn’t like it when it was done to me and yet, I can be forceful very easily. I do speak up, but I can tell if that person doesn’t want to hear what I’ve got to say. It’s the energy behind their words that speaks louder than what they say. I don’t waste my energy. That’s part of me accepting where that person is and where I am. If that same person came to me and I can feel they would be receptive to what I didn’t say before, I welcome that opportunity.

I realized that not only did I allow myself a cold from having lowered my vibration, but it also had to do with my aspirations and where I’m headed. It has stayed in my throat, and I’ve been coughing quite a lot. The other layer of this is that I’m not always using my voice. Being quiet when I know someone won’t hear me is one thing; however, not being who I truly am out of fear of rejection is another! I knew what this was pointing to: I’d been thinking about renting a booth at a spiritual festival that happens twice a year. I felt I would do it, but it was just a matter of when was I going to move on it. I made no resolutions, I just printed out the papers I needed and filled them out. Money isn’t an issue. Nothing is holding me back except myself. Even writing this is committing myself to it even more. I’ve helped at a number of these and know the gist of it. I’m better learning things one piece at a time. This is the next piece.

While talking with another Facilitator, I hit on something that’s yet another angle: I realized I expected myself to push the topic of energy work on to people back in MA. I’ve already had conversations with most about it, so there wasn’t any real reason to talk about it. So, ultimately, I went and was myself. I was completely happy with it. My ego said, ‘You have to talk about this more and be accepted by everyone.’ I’ve already done that and felt that acceptance, but that wasn’t enough. ‘Be forceful!’ my ego said. When I wasn’t, my ego said, ‘You weren’t forceful like I said and should be punished.’ So I then allowed the cold to come in. I never would’ve thought I could be exactly who I am AND be having a conflict with another part that is telling me to be the same but do it differently. Since I was going home to MA, that way of living came up: to be forceful. So, I gave myself this cold for no reason at all and yet, there is obviously a huge clearing that is happening. I carried myself like I was guided… and then punished myself for not doing it the ego’s way. I didn’t expect that kind of situation to be happening, but it sounds like something the ‘self’ from MA would do.

And while I’ve been writing this, I’ve hardly coughed. That says it all. More than any words could. That’s what I look for: something that says more than words can. That’s my truth. That’s from where I exist and manifest! The ones who do the same are the people I intend to meet and be with in whatever capacity is highest and best.

Happy New Year!

DParent

 

 

 

 

 

 
David Parent
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner

Balancing Hunting and Having (and Do I Deserve It?)

© Mikaelmales | Dreamstime.com - Silhouetted Wolf Hunting At Sunrise PhotoThe things I like (mostly music, a few TV series), I like to collect. I’m a moderate completist. I like to have everything by a band and listen to their creative arc over and over. I have a few friends who are just as nutty as I am about this and we can talk about this stuff for hours.

When I was preparing to move out on my own (a two-year process), I started to get rid of things. I held onto everything usually, but I knew it was time to unload stuff and I was ready. That act is still with me. Music is the best example; I buy an album, enjoy it for years, don’t listen to it for a couple of years, get rid of it, then a few years later I “remember” how much I enjoyed it and buy it again and possibly go through the same cycle again. Having something taking up space bothered me after a while and I would feel a drive to clear out some of it that, at the time, I felt I could do without.

It wasn’t until after my marriage, and moving to NC, that I noticed I was doing that in relationships. I didn’t start dating until then. I never thought I was the type of person who hunted and gathered. I thought I collected and enjoyed, but somewhere the happiness of the having paled with the thrill of the hunt. Facebook is the biggest example of this; how many people do you know who “collect” friends? It was transient behavior that lacked any real connection. It didn’t stop me from being myself, but I wasn’t myself as much as I wanted to be.

Hunting is a primal behavior done for survival. I don’t need music for survival, though I certainly felt I couldn’t live without it. I didn’t need to be married, or how I was feeling it, for someone to agree to marry me, for my survival, but I felt I did at that time. I didn’t hunt for a wife; we crossed paths and we both initiated. I collected someone who made me feel I loved myself. She probably collected me also. Did I love her? Yes, but it took me a while because I didn’t love myself and I feel the same thing was happening with her. We learned together.

The having has taken me much longer to appreciate. Why would this be so? If I have something or someone enter my life that I wanted, why does the having feeling only last a short time? Because the material object or person was not what I really wanted. It made me feel good, but what I really wanted was to feel a deep connection. Ironically, this behavior drove me away from the one thing I wanted a deeper connection with; myself.

With the exception of when I was married, if the amounts of time I was involved in a relationship and when I was single were flipped, it would look like I can’t be on my own; that I always had to have someone. But it’s not that way. I’m single for long stretches and involved for brief periods. I asked myself while out on a walk, “Why this is?” Somewhere in that walk, the answer came to me: I keep myself single more often so I can always be in a state of hunting.  So my life looked like this:

Hunting

Having

Happy

Hungry

(repeat)

It’s a true addictive behavior. Soon enough, the happy part disappears and pretty soon, so does the having, as I got farther away from my spiritual source. When I look back, I really see it was happening in my marriage too. My wife at that time noted to me more than once that it felt like we’d become more like roommates than a married couple. She was right. But there was something deeper going on that I hadn’t realized until I turned this blog in. I had to add this because this was behind it all: I felt I didn’t deserve anything. No matter how sincere I was or how much I believed, there was a part of me that overrode everything: “I don’t care how much you love this person, or how much you believe what you believe; you don’t deserve it.” That’s why the hunting always happened; it was covering a constant state of not deserving.

When I took the Trinity Energy Progression™, the biggest part of it was about unconditional love…of yourself! If someone were to ask me at that time if I loved myself, there would’ve been a pause and not a very enthusiastic answer; “Yeah, I guess so.” With Trinity, I pushed through that and sooner than I expected; I could say that I did love myself and knew what that actually felt like.

But this habit still remained in my life. It wasn’t until a year-and-a-half after taking Trinity that all of this came into conscious thought as I was preparing (notice another preparation) to take the Facilitators retreat to Mt. Shasta in California (July 2015). I notice now that it wasn’t until I typed the above sentence that I realized I am repeating the same process I did when I moved out of the house I grew up in; getting rid of the stuff I don’t use anymore so moving will be easier. But this time there’s a twist; it’s not material things, it’s behaviors and concepts that I have outgrown. I am moving out of my old consciousness and into my new one but I won’t be returning to them and therefore, will break the cycle. My ego is feeling the ‘empty nest’ like my mom did; ‘Will I exist if I am not doing what you asked me to do?’ The answer is yes you will exist and in a much higher and brighter way than you ever imagined.

Emotions and behaviors are like this: by doing what you’re doing, they can be pointing out what the issue is. The drive to hunt pointed to a deep feeling of not deserving what I hunted for. That’s how emotions and behaviors can work. They are circular. Always ask yourself why you are really doing what you’re doing. It could reveal a deeper drive that is unconscious. When you bring those to light; your life is yours to live again.

The way to balance all of this is to love myself unconditionally. Nothing external is needed. It’s true that I can’t go home again because I never left it. It was always inside just waiting to be remembered.

DParent

 

 

 

 

 

David Parent
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression™