I must confess that I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. Everything that I thought I knew just does not seem right. I have lost certainty. I used to think that I had answers, but that feeling is so foreign to me currently. Discussions that were once riveting have started to fade into mindless uninteresting banter. When I listen to other people express their ideas, I am unable to find them interesting. It goes in, and all I think is that they have nothing new to share with me. Even when they are so adamant that this is the newest thing, my mind says we’ve been here before; nothing new here. When I try to listen with my heart, I get the warm feelings of “Yay! They’re coming around!” but hearing age-old ideas being presented as “new” when this information has been so easily accessible for years does not captivate my novelty-seeking mind. I try to let go of judgment when it comes to these situations, but I also find it disingenuous to rebrand concepts that were rejected earlier based on their associations.
I am feeling a bit lost and disillusioned. In order to save and liberate myself, it is time for me to be honest with others and myself. Why must I force myself to feel like I have no voice in order to protect relationships that appear to be one-sided? What am I to do when my ideas are met with accusations of proselytizing or spinning semantics? How should I feel when someone else presents the same ideas later and is met later with glorious applause? Is it my ego that is making me feel like this? I tried to convince myself of this, but this approach is leading to apathy. My ego is also responsible for my thinking that I have to check my ego so that I don’t fall out of line. My present feelings of knowing nothing anymore are a product of “turning the other cheek” over and over again.
After some introspection, the following is how I understand the relationship with the ego. Integrating the ego is not about dissolving it so that you lose your personal feelings and individuality in order to become a listless member of the hive-mind. Integrating the ego with your spiritual being means that you won’t measure your self-worth against others. It means that you will create your reality instead of reacting to the reality that is around you. It is about liberating yourself from self-limiting thoughts and behaviors. Checking your ego doesn’t mean that you cannot assert yourself while another person is leading a diatribe at your expense! A healthy ego will not let another person’s words and actions diminish your feelings of self-worth, and having a healthy ego does not mean capitulating to the other person’s ego. It’s ok to call someone out on their BS; it just may require more tact than it really should in some cases.
But what the hell do I know? I know nothing… That’s ok… Somehow I still feel like I am on my way.
I discovered Trinity Energy Progression™. I took the Practitioner class. I took the Facilitators class. I named my website. It all resonated with me. Little did I know that was the easy part of this journey. I realized that in order to truly step into who I am, I have to really know who I am. I have to put my self out there. Everywhere. Step out of the spiritual closet. All the way, not just with close friends and family, but with everyone. Facebook friends, Linked-in people, strangers, neighbors, and anyone who would stay and listen to what I had to say. Oh, then there’s what I have to say. What is it? A link to something Angela has said? No, it has to reflect who I am, what I believe, and what I have to offer. How can my personal journey help someone on their spiritual journey?
I never imagined answering those questions would lead me to where I am right now. The resistance to what I had to look at was tremendous. It was everywhere. Everywhere I looked had a reminder of what I needed to do. There was no getting away from it. No short cuts either. So here is the condensed version of my discoveries.
I am living ascension. To me that means I am the embodiment of ascension in my day-to-day life. That also doesn’t mean abandoning who I am to fit in a box of what ascension means. I examined my life and chose to embrace those elements that nourished my soul and spirit and release/resolve those that don’t. Sounds straightforward and simple.
It all began in conversations with Angela when we “hit” on the term “resolution”. Resolution to release/resolve the past. All of it! I saw this as a freeing of all the energies held in past situations, emotions, agreements, and beliefs. I saw the blue light of transformation helping to identify and isolate those areas creating resistance for me. This resolution allows fulfillment to also be recognized. Giving me a sense of completion with the resolution.
Our next step was “integration”. By freeing those resistant energies of the past, I was able to fully integrate my energies with those of the present. I saw the pink light of unconditional universal love intermingling with the blue light of transformation creating a violet flame of transmutation completing the remembrance of self-love.
Finally, by embracing the present and allowing the integration of all aspects of myself, I ignited my creation with the yellow light and become the creator of my life!! How powerful it was and is.
Reducing this to words makes it appear simple, and in concept it is; but as we all know the ego demands its fair share of attention. I have found that this process works for specific areas as well as general issues. Combining this with the built-in grace, ease, balance, harmony, joy, and fun of Trinity Energy Progression really creates a new flow of energies.
So this is my answer to what I have to offer to someone on their spiritual path. I must say thanks to Angela for the numerous shares and conversations and myself for creating a life that led me to these circumstances.
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression
Fasting, releasing, letting go, removing blocks which prevent our light to shine, removing masks and discarding our shadow lives and being in full bloom to show up as authentic self. If I were unafraid, I would let go of all my masks, all props, costumes, scripts, all ego created beliefs and BE.
I am pondering why I have created such a tight grip to holding onto the show. Even though I know that letting go leads to something a whole lot better than my ego can imagine, I still resist and I hold back. I am watching this tennis match between my ego and a wall. Watching and believing that my ego can champion over a wall. A wall which only is the reflective action the ego imposes upon it. Yet even knowing that this is not real, I am holding onto it as if it is. There is still so much resistance upon letting go.
I want so much to remember, remember my true authentic being. My prayers, meditations, readings, writings, healings, and thoughts all focus on this. I remind myself daily or more often than that to “wake up” … to “remember” … to “let go and trust” … and to “be in faith”. Some moments, many moments, my patience turns and annoyance and aggravation become me and questions of doubt and uncertainty pour out. The questions spill, “why can’t I just wake up, why is this taking so long, what the heck” and so on and so forth. Then snap, my mind pivots and I attend to “it is time to refocus, time to heal, time to sit with that and reveal what the hold up within myself is.”
An answer bubbles up to the surface and shows that I am in grief and misery and terribly miss knowing that I will forget all this. When I wake up and step into my truth and being that I am, I will have no memory at all of this dream world of this enchanted, exotic, wild, exciting, ego trip that I have been experiencing since the apple was eaten and this hallucination begun. That I hold onto. I hold onto wanting to remember this and that. Something tells me that both cannot be remembered. It feels like something of the flavor of “we cannot serve two masters.” I am torn, as I know it is time to step into the fullness and all that I am, but darn it all I do not want to forget this wild story. My sentimentality and love for this imagined creation is still strongly entrenched in my being. I am hitting the snooze bar for 5 more minutes, I am enjoying this dream.
Along comes the siren with a lullaby and it sweetly sings that it does not have to be all or none, not right away. This is a finely tuned web of beliefs after all; and here negotiating, the ego is at work and says, “you know you can have your cake and eat it too.” But of course we can stall. We can take an evolutionary step and yet still be present with this 3D dream. The drum rolls, and the reveal is that we can BE AWAKE within the dream. Interesting, this is a precarious position for the ego. I am surprised it is willing to take a step in this presence. For the ego, this is like standing on the ledge of a cliff and all of a sudden the other side of the earth falls away leaving the ego balancing itself on a pinnacle of land for support without much leeway or wiggle room for roaming or moving about. It looks bleak for the ego now with nowhere left to go. It is reduced to its final frontier and left to dissolve into I…..
I am afraid to let my imaginary friend go is what it boils to, and in irony it is my imaginary friend who is afraid to be imagined, to be let go, as my imagined sense is making this so. It is confusing to be insane. It is now time to let go of the insanity within. Know now it is time to turn within and connect to source and release and heal and receive the Truth of that in which we are.
Peace and Love to all. See ya on the other side where though there is no word for it, I believe it points way beyond awesomenesssss!
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression™