I am a dog person and have loved having dogs as pets since I was a child. They are always ready and waiting with wagging tails to be petted. I used to have a lot of peeves as pets, too, that were also always ready and waiting for me to pet them — anywhere, anytime! And they were an ever growing pack of peeves. I remember often saying: “That is one of my pet peeves.”
My peeves were there for me to pet in the car while I was driving. For example:
- Tailgaters when you’re going faster than the speed limit, or those really slow drivers in the fast lane;
- Turn signals on the car in front of you staying on FOREVER (or drivers who don’t use a turn signal at all);
- Litterers who throw trash from their car window as they drive.
My peeves were with me when I went to the movies and restaurants and shopping:
- Squashed cigarette butts outside of entry doors into a building (because no smoking allowed inside??);
- Parents bringing their pre-schoolers to R-rated movies (because they are too young to understand??);
- People repeatedly hitting the elevator button (to make the elevator arrive sooner??);
- Making a sucking noise with a straw to get that very last drop (or all those drops after the very last drop??);
- Drivers parking their cars across 2 parking spaces (for those needing more personal space for their beloved vehicle??);
- Wobbly tables at restaurants (to keep you moving until you leave??);
- Movie talkers, or super noisy eaters during a movie (food, friends, entertainment – what a great socializing opportunity??).
Of course, they lived with me at home, too:
- Coming home to a house smelling like trash that should have been taken out yesterday;
- A topless toothpaste tube now full of dried toothpaste;
- No extra roll of toilet paper in the bathroom;
- An empty carton in the refrigerator…
I’ll stop this particular list now as I do live by myself 🙂
As Trinity Energy Progression became more and more a part of my life, I began to ask myself what was I willing or able to do to actually stop these pesky peeves from being my constant companions. I could never see myself actually hurling an angry admonition into a movie theater audience for someone a few rows away to eat more quietly or to stop their endless talking. But that is exactly what I was doing in my head as I succumbed to the peeves’ demands to be petted without it having any effect on actually stopping their unwanted behavior.
Peeve petting was an instantaneous way to annoy myself without really trying by just looking around me. I rarely missed an opportunity to pick up stray peeves. There were so many of them that were just begging to be petted, ALL the time! Through my Trinity practice, I began to explore why I would ever want to annoy myself with this and why I continued to pick up even more peeves to pet. I realized how petting peeves could obsess me to the extent that they would become a primary focus and distraction, with me often sharing my thoughts about the annoying peeve with whomever was within earshot. I see the peeves as my ego’s pets; my ego loves this “petting.” My ego also loves “peeving” contests where “my peeve is better than yours” or having more peeves than someone else, as well as the superiority my ego feels by only petting the peeve rather than being the peeve.
Now, when I see a peeve looming in front of me or when someone comments that something is a pet peeve of theirs, my head fills with laughter at the thought of a peeve as my pet nipping at my heels and barking incessantly to get my attention so I will pet it. With the focus of Trinity Energy Progression on unconditional love and joy, I couldn’t help but see how my dogs as pets have always been “adorable bundles” (in various sizes) of unconditional love and joy. Although peeves come in many shapes and sizes as well, I see them all as rather “unadorable bundles” of judgment and negativity. I see petting them as expressions of this negativity and judgment by me as the peeve petter.
These days, I laugh at myself at even the idea of choosing to be a peeve petter instead of enjoying petting my unconditionally loving tail-wagging dog. Trinity Energy Progression has helped me remember to choose this simple joy instead of petting peeves. With a smile on my face, I am now going to pet my dog!
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner
Letting go of the boxes seems like such a wonderful mantra these days, but if you are a packrat like me then you might be thinking “I can use this later”. Why toss out the baby with the bath water, right? The stuff we learn and unlearn on a daily basis isn’t simply boxes though. Defining something as “limiting” is another box in its own right. Beliefs can be limiting when one’s perspective is narrow, and that is where the “box” actually comes in. When someone decides to believe that all ideas are boxes, this belief is a box. Think about it as trying to keep such an open mind that your brain (discernment) accidentally fell out.
Why are boxes/categories so bad? They’re not! That’s “judgment”. When you narrow your perspective based on an idea, you are heading towards the danger zone. So maybe we should just define what a box is. In this context, it is a self-limiting belief; but in the new age circles we have this “box” epidemic of people conflating words and ideas and ignoring context. What we get next is any word that is used to categorize, compartmentalize, or “box” an idea in order to describe it falls on deaf ears because it is a “box”. No longer are we talking about self-limiting beliefs, but rather anything that is being fit into a category for conveying an idea. To put it bluntly, I feel this is a castration of the divine masculine, while putting blinders and earmuffs on the divine feminine, and the divine child is running amuck. (As if we even need those boxes anymore, right?)
Take for instance the words “judge” or “judgment”. They are words with so much meaning, but new agers have decided that any use of them is taboo. So when someone uses the word judgment not in the context of a negative subjective opinion, there is this knee-jerk reaction to the word automatically invalidating everything they have said. Take a look at this list of synonyms for judgment: discernment, acumen, shrewdness, astuteness, sense, common sense, perception, perspicacity, percipience, acuity, discrimination, reckoning, wisdom, wit, judiciousness, prudence, canniness, sharpness, sharp-wittedness, powers of reasoning, reason, logic. Context is important, and words mean nothing without it.
Now back to the boxes. When someone says the sky is blue, is this a box, an observation, or a fact? First we have to agree what the sky is and what blue is. Is this agreement a box? I have heard that words are limiting and, thus, boxes, but I would have to disagree. They are tools with a deep wealth of meaning, but if someone ignores context they become meaningless and limiting. So when the sky is blue, are we describing the color or are we describing the sky’s mood? The magic of context! There are no boxes inherent in the words; the only boxes that exist are the ones we place around them; these boxes can be quite useful so we can convey meaning to one another.
Boxes are everywhere! But they are only self-limiting if they are based on beliefs with narrow perspective. So when someone describes our ideas or words as “being in a box”, just remember that it is not our box that they are talking about. It is their own box that they have closed up around our words. If you have the need to point out someone’s box, just make sure you didn’t initially build the box, to which they are trying to conform. That’s pulling the rug out from under them after inviting them in.
So there you have it. If you like your boxes, have fun with them. If you want to dismantle boxes, just make sure they are your own. [Insert analogy about bully messing up a sandcastle here.] Boxes are limiting only if we don’t have the imagination to play with them, and if we do have the imagination, they cease to be boxes. I’m going to use my boxes to build a clubhouse and maybe even a rocket ship!
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression™
Do you hold fear, insecurity, the feeling of not being good enough in you?
Find the reflectors that are holding you back, that are not working for you and work through them. Ask yourself, what reflectors am I wearing? What is reflecting back to me?
If you are angry or sad about something, or have negative emotions toward someone, you are in a low energy pattern. It will continue until you work through it and change it. Try to look at your issues and relationships as reflectors you are wearing. What does it reflect to you? What shows up in your life that annoys you? You are holding an aspect in some shape or form of the issue or person you judge and feel angry or sad about. Or maybe it’s a childhood issue or something that’s emerging from a past life.
Find out what it is for you. You might have to do some digging work and find out the beliefs that are holding you back. Replace your anger with kindness and love; make peace with the issue or the person. Raise your vibration, work through the issue, and send love and forgiveness and then let it go. Thank the person for the great gift they have been for you. The people who challenge you the most are your best teachers, as hard as it seems at the time. If someone is pushing your buttons, it shows there is struggle or drama, find it and clear that reflection you are holding. If the vibration is dense, work through it until it feels lighter.
We are receivers and transmitters. We feel drawn to certain people, we enjoy their company from the first moment we meet them; others you want to run from when you see them. Have you ever noticed how you feel when you walk into Wal-Mart or any other crowded; or low vibration place or store? Simply turn up your light and EMANATE — be the lighthouse, not the sponge, and others around you will do the same! We attract what we reflect. It’s all light and vibration. Find the reflector when it shows up and clear it, if you are holding it. You can’t change others, but you can clear the issue through healing yourself. Don’t exhaust yourself by trying to change other people. But you can change your experience of life if you clear your own energy. Some of us have a subconscious need for struggle. Release the need for struggle based on what your reflectors are. Clear your reflectors energetically, clear the heavy energy within and around you.
Sometimes you have to be still and go within to find out what the pattern is. Or, if you don’t find it, sometimes with the help of a Practitioner you’ll be able to locate the issue and work on it together in releasing it. Once you find it, dissolve, resolve, release and clear it, and make changes — go inside and turn up the light and clear it once and for all.
Allow yourself to look at the emotions and work through them. Raise your consciousness and send “your teachers” love anyways’; it allows you to move on, and out of the negative vibrations.
Think about when relationships end, there is usually a missing link. That can be romantically, friendships, or business relations, in general.
If there is no mutual love, respect, trust, or commitment from both sides there can be no real future in a relationship. Something will always be missing. If one of the links is missing, then it’s like a chain reaction. If one partner decides not to respect the other one, where is the commitment and love in the relationship? Or if the commitment from one partner is gone, where is the mutual love and respect? When boundaries are broken, it’s hard to move forward in a relationship. There needs to be genuine love and safety in a relationship. It’s a two-way street.
It does not mean you don’t love the other person in some shape or form anymore. If you learned your lesson and you are done with your soul contract, don’t feel bad if you walk away in dignity and let the other person live their life. Forgive yourself, and forgive the other person. It is okay to forgive and be forgiven and it’s okay to forgive yourself. It might take a while to get there. Don’t beat yourself up over what could have or should have been. Make an internal inventory, do your self-work, go within yourself, and see if you can live with broken trust or a broken commitment. For some people it might be possible to move forward in a relationship after one of the chains have been broken, that means that the soul contract is not done yet, or the lesson not learned yet. Forgive yourself anyways. Whatever you do, it’s okay! When the other person moves on and is not committed to you and no longer respects, trusts,or loves you anymore, it was about themselves and their insecurities, and had nothing to do with you. This is hard to accept sometimes; I know out of experience.
What I can tell you helped me in the past, is: Go within, feel the pain, work through it for as long as it may take you and then let the emotion go. Let your inner pilot light guide you in making the right decisions to move forward. Trinity Energy Progression™ has helped me work through a lot of pain and let go of a lot of reflectors.
Your inner voice always knows; you just have to be quiet enough to listen to it. With all the turmoil and other’s opinions around us, we don’t stop and trust our own Divine Light sometimes. Only you can live your life and decide what is best for you and the lessons you have come here to fulfill and learn; nobody else can do that for you. See past relationships, as painful as the end might have been, as the gift they really have been to you. See the lesson you learned from it and thank the Universe for it and move on without regret.
I learned a lot from my pets, especially my dog, about unconditional love and trust. Animals trust they will be fed and taken care of. They don’t worry about tomorrow. They live in the moment. They are happy to see you, even if they get the same food every day, and they never complain. They are grateful and they love you unconditionally anyway – even when you had a hard day, even if you feel insecure, not good enough, or just sad. They wag their tail when you come home. If it’s just been an hour or a day, they wait patiently by the door to greet you. They are committed to their family. We can learn a lot from our pets. Go with the flow, do what makes you happy.
Choose work that makes you happy, find your passion! Choose your partner wisely. Does he or she make your life even happier? If they walk in the door, do you get as excited to see them, as your dog is when you come home? Just think about it for a moment and let it sink in. If the answer is yes, then you are good; otherwise work on the issue. Or, just get a dog or cat, they love you unconditionally just the way you are! ? Bring balance in your life and remember the Divine Being you truly are. You deserve life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Let your light shine through in all that you do,
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression
Over the past several months, I have been going down an ego spiral with self-judgement, judgement, and narcissistic thought patterns. I was angry with the lack of recognition for my contributions and I would bounce back and forth between judging others and judging myself. Then I was judging myself for being judgmental. In my professional life I was receiving a lot of praise and acknowledgement for my contributions and skills leading up to promotion after 7 months at a new job. I was humbled by the new opportunity, but I also felt uncomfortable by the recognition. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling this way. I was feeling I was not good enough when I was not getting recognition and then not good enough to receive the recognition when it was given.
For this blog, I decided to present some the ideas from the psycho-social research I have been reading on shame and relate it back to alternative healing, primarily focusing on Trinity Energy ProgressionTM. In the energy healing circles, people like to criticize the established fields of science. However, I implore you to start keeping an open mind since everyone is shifting even in the science community. Labeling all science and research as being “3D” or “in-the-box” thinking is highly judgmental, especially if you have not read or considered any of the ideas, not to mention hypocritical if also quoting Carl Jung and misappropriating ideas from quantum physics. Who’s the fundamentalist now? LOL. The shame researchers are very out-of-the box thinkers; and have struggled to get their research published. It is a huge disservice to discredit them as being in league with the old paradigm. I am not going to bore you with research details here, but I will try to offer a balanced perspective to inspire you to look shame in the face.
Shame is a dirty word in our society. We don’t like to talk about it. We keep our shame hidden even from our closest friends. We are taught shame at an early age. We even place value on shame as way to maintain societal norms and traditions. Consider the phrase “Have you no shame?”. But shame is not beneficial; its basic function is to keep our true selves hidden. It is the ego’s greatest tool to keep us isolated and separated from each other. Shame cuts off our ability to connect with others and fuels denial, aggression, and judgement. Even healing facilitators are not immune to the effects of shame. The shame could come from current life issues, inherited from our parents, and perhaps past lives, but I believe it is something primarily perpetuated in the collective.
My focus on shame came to light after a friend lent me a lecture series given by Brené Brown. I finally started piecing together my behavior patterns with shame. Brené Brown’s lecture was like preaching to the choir for me. It did not necessarily tell me what I didn’t already know, but it did empower me with the vocabulary and a framework for how shame was affecting me. I would recommend giving “The Power of Vulnerability” a listen if you have an interest in the topic.
So what is shame? Shame is often conflated with self-judgement and guilt. However, I understand shame as not being the same as self-judgement or guilt. It is true that shame may seem to be a product of judgement, but we have to be taught shame first in order be affected by judgement. This is where the mirror comes in. When we judge others, we judge them on issues that we hold shame for ourselves, but we do not necessarily judge ourselves for that issue, which is the distinction. If we feel that if we are lacking in a topic or characteristic, we will judge someone else for excelling or under-performing in those areas. This is an ego mechanism/behavior to protect one’s separate identity by justifying or distracting from the way we feel about ourselves. To put it in another way: shame is a feeling related to self-esteem and isolation, and judgement is one of many thought-behavior patterns inspired by shame.
Consider the Compass of Shame developed by Donald Nathanson (1992) as a tool to describe behaviors, in which people engage when consumed by shame. The four patterns of behavior are “withdrawal”, “avoidance”, “attack others”, and “attack self”. Withdrawal is the behavior pattern where one seeks isolation from others. Avoidance is the behavior to deny or distract from one’s own thoughts and feelings. Attack others and attack self are pretty self explanatory. These are the shields that we put up to prevent ourselves from being vulnerable. As much as I do not wish to admit it, I feel that I have expressed all four behavior patterns over the past several months, but I know that this happened in order for me to finally say “enough is enough”.
I am by no means cured of my shame issues, but I believe I am making headway in identifying why I judge myself and others or become withdrawn. This is why I am not going to simply tell you to stop judging or release judgement or any other behavior in the shame compass. Some of us have been gifted with a strong sense of shame, and such advice will just further the expression of shame. If you want to take it further, telling someone to stop doing something that is wrong or not beneficial imparts a sense of judgement, no matter how you sugarcoat it. The caring advice-giving person may not be actively or consciously judging, but the person who is receiving the advice will interpret judgement because of their own shame, which the ego uses to highjack the mind. They feel bad for doing it, and then the shame-based behavior will continue. Brené Brown gave an example about drug abuse and shame, in which interventions that judge or attempt to guilt the addict into rehabilitation do not effect change in the behavior. This is why healing the shame is vital. Releasing judgement is secondary since it is an addiction.
So what about guilt? Apparently a little bit of guilt is healthy. It is the feeling that one gets when recognizing that one has done someone else wrong. There may be a little bit of shame involved, but if the shame consumes you, you will have no room for guilt, and therefore not recognize what the other person has felt. Guilt comes from empathy and provides the drive to correct errors, whereas shame would prevent one to express empathy and make amends. The distinction is subtle, but it is an important one to make. If someone is “consumed by guilt” and not doing something to correct the issue, then there is probably more of a shame issue.
So how does one heal their shame? It sounds overwhelming, and you may not know where to begin. Deciding to focus on and heal one’s shame is truly difficult, because admitting one’s shame is often regarded as weakness. This is the type of shadow work that could be lifelong if the proper perspective is not enabled. The first step would be to recognize how shame influences our behavior and in what ways it governs our self-esteem, and I would recommend using the Compass of Shame as a start if you are clueless of where to begin. You can do an internet image search for it and see how it relates to any behavior patterns you see in your life. Another approach is to have a no-judgement candid discussion with a friend or loved one about what they see in your daily behavior that would fit the shame behavior compass, which may be painful to hear; think of it as a bandage being ripped off. Hopefully you would be mentally prepared for what you will hear if you are in control of the situation, because it could always come to you without invitation.
We often want to change our behaviors or thoughts without going to the deeper root issues, but we still have to do the work that makes look directly at our shame (shadow). It is about accepting ourselves for who we are and loving every bit of it. We have to forgive ourselves and remember that we are not alone. We are not the only ones having this experience despite other people’s shame having you believe otherwise. To put perspective on the matter, I view shame as the 3D mind/body expression (aka emotion) caused by the separation from others and our divinity. It is the prison cell, within which we lock ourselves despite having the key. I cannot express strongly enough that meditation and mindfulness are probably the most important tools when healing shame.
I know this is all easier said than done. I can only point the way and walk some distance with you. The inertia of getting started is always difficult to overcome. If you do not already have healing meditation practice in mind, I would recommend Trinity Energy Progression as a wonderful tool to get started and make a arduous journey fun and inspiring. For me, Trinity has been the method for keeping the light bright while delving deep into the shame shadow work. Trinity allows us to easily remember our divinity and the oneness. In order to grow, we may have to face some difficult issues that slow our progression. How you choose to do it will determine how graceful and easy it will be. I think I will choose LOVE!