Fasting, releasing, letting go, removing blocks which prevent our light to shine, removing masks and discarding our shadow lives and being in full bloom to show up as authentic self. If I were unafraid, I would let go of all my masks, all props, costumes, scripts, all ego created beliefs and BE.
I am pondering why I have created such a tight grip to holding onto the show. Even though I know that letting go leads to something a whole lot better than my ego can imagine, I still resist and I hold back. I am watching this tennis match between my ego and a wall. Watching and believing that my ego can champion over a wall. A wall which only is the reflective action the ego imposes upon it. Yet even knowing that this is not real, I am holding onto it as if it is. There is still so much resistance upon letting go.
I want so much to remember, remember my true authentic being. My prayers, meditations, readings, writings, healings, and thoughts all focus on this. I remind myself daily or more often than that to “wake up” … to “remember” … to “let go and trust” … and to “be in faith”. Some moments, many moments, my patience turns and annoyance and aggravation become me and questions of doubt and uncertainty pour out. The questions spill, “why can’t I just wake up, why is this taking so long, what the heck” and so on and so forth. Then snap, my mind pivots and I attend to “it is time to refocus, time to heal, time to sit with that and reveal what the hold up within myself is.”
An answer bubbles up to the surface and shows that I am in grief and misery and terribly miss knowing that I will forget all this. When I wake up and step into my truth and being that I am, I will have no memory at all of this dream world of this enchanted, exotic, wild, exciting, ego trip that I have been experiencing since the apple was eaten and this hallucination begun. That I hold onto. I hold onto wanting to remember this and that. Something tells me that both cannot be remembered. It feels like something of the flavor of “we cannot serve two masters.” I am torn, as I know it is time to step into the fullness and all that I am, but darn it all I do not want to forget this wild story. My sentimentality and love for this imagined creation is still strongly entrenched in my being. I am hitting the snooze bar for 5 more minutes, I am enjoying this dream.
Along comes the siren with a lullaby and it sweetly sings that it does not have to be all or none, not right away. This is a finely tuned web of beliefs after all; and here negotiating, the ego is at work and says, “you know you can have your cake and eat it too.” But of course we can stall. We can take an evolutionary step and yet still be present with this 3D dream. The drum rolls, and the reveal is that we can BE AWAKE within the dream. Interesting, this is a precarious position for the ego. I am surprised it is willing to take a step in this presence. For the ego, this is like standing on the ledge of a cliff and all of a sudden the other side of the earth falls away leaving the ego balancing itself on a pinnacle of land for support without much leeway or wiggle room for roaming or moving about. It looks bleak for the ego now with nowhere left to go. It is reduced to its final frontier and left to dissolve into I…..
I am afraid to let my imaginary friend go is what it boils to, and in irony it is my imaginary friend who is afraid to be imagined, to be let go, as my imagined sense is making this so. It is confusing to be insane. It is now time to let go of the insanity within. Know now it is time to turn within and connect to source and release and heal and receive the Truth of that in which we are.
Peace and Love to all. See ya on the other side where though there is no word for it, I believe it points way beyond awesomenesssss!
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression™
Starting anew can’t begin without the crumbling away of the old first. A reminder from Spirit to me this new year has been to recognize the beauty of rebirth from destruction. This includes the destruction of the negative patterns or beliefs we have held onto for perhaps many years. Old programmed beliefs that we fail to see in ourselves can come to light at any time within our consciousness to be released and healed … thereby ending our own suffering.
After meditation this morning I realized something. I had felt guilty a good portion of my life for not suffering as much as my sister had while growing up and even into adulthood. This knowing had occurred to me before….. but now I saw it sooooo very clearly…and I was ready to clear it once and for all. Hello there, limiting belief! As I carefully traced my feelings and emotions back to my early childhood, I saw how I allowed my emotions to manipulate me. Do you remember the saying “misery loves company”? I felt guiltily for not suffering more: how strange, but how true of so many of us. We are so addicted to our suffering.
In the energy work that I do, self-work is the most important. The first step for me is recognizing a belief that may be holding me back from my highest potential. I shift into a higher perspective by first thanking it for serving me and teaching me what I needed to know. Then I observe how those beliefs dissipate when released.
We are in charge…remember that the power is always inside of us. No need to reclaim it…it’s already there! No need for any more suffering….It’s my understanding that it’s a core limiting belief to believe otherwise. So, you want I should suffer? No thank you, I think not. We are limitless!
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression™
Love is the most complex four-letter word. Period. It causes every single emotion we could ever conjure. It makes us dream, it makes us scream. Love is hair-raising, goosebumps-forming, heart-banging, perspiration-drenching, suffocating, out-of-body, soul-ascending CRAZY!
Depending on our perception of love, it can make us do things we never thought possible. Love is constantly playing us, tickling us with this thought, that desire. We succumb to its beauty. We surrender to its charm. This four-letter word comprises everything we need in order to progress in our lives and oftentimes WE DO NOT KNOW HOW TO UNDERSTAND IT!!! Little word, massive confusion. Add the word “unconditional” and we want to jump overboard!
Through all of my own heart-wrenching conundrums, being brought to the mercy of angels in the universe, I have had to find ways to release the air out of the pressure cooker or else I was going overboard.
Please allow me to back up three years and mention my first “real” feeling of love BEing.
One day, I was desperately trying to learn how to meditate at that time in an aching bag of bones that I called my physical body, reaching for answers, searching for solutions. It was nearly impossible for me to concentrate, so “spirit” thought it wise to knock me into a peaceful slumber (which happened often when I tried to meditate!). But that day, I was slammed in the chest with what felt like a punch, abruptly bouncing my insouciant corpse out of dormancy! I sat up, perplexed, but not in pain. In fact, I felt peace! And my heart… my heart felt huge! I mean HUGE! And I was in love. IN. LOVE. WITH. EVERYTHING. The trees, the moon, the stars, the animals, the rocks, the water, the refrigerator… you name it, I loved it! I was on a virtual high! Everything was beautiful. Everything had its place. I cried tears of joy as I walked my dog. I had no idea what had happened.
The beauty lasted four days. I awoke and it was “removed”. I then felt empty, confused. It was gone, but not completely gone, because there was a memory of it. Perhaps a new cellular memory… I couldn’t explain it. But it was the beginning of my quest to find it again! Because… WE are the creators of our reality! We are beginning to understand this now. I’m not talking Chinese here!
I realized that love is a state of BEing.
But how do we achieve this state of BEing?
Finding the love must first be found in the self. But wait! How can we do that when we feel guilty about this, angry about that, mad about …. blah blah blah…
Here is what I did (although I cannot guarantee how long it will take, as each individual has its own timeline) : We must first start by having the courage to look inside and observe ourselves, accept what comes up that we do not like, FEEL it, acknowledge it, value it, thank it for its lessons, forgive ourselves and LOVE IT. Yes, we must love the gunk. We must love the junk. We must be thankful for the gunk and the junk because it taught us so much. It taught us what we don’t want in our life anymore. We kindly acknowledge the gunk and junk one last time, then ask it to dissolve into the light. (Trinity Energy Progression™ Practitioners can help you with this, if need be). Then, we realize that everyone has the gunk and the junk… and we understand it now so something magical happens! We lose judgment, we lose expectation. (!!!) Then there is freedom. Then I see the body as an empty vessel to fill! We can now fill it with everything we love: thoughts, fun, sweetness, etc.! Hee hee! It’s as simple as that! Well, be patient with yourselves if it doesn’t take place as fast as you hoped.
Here is an exercise to help you along the path of BEing unconditional love.
Find a quiet place where you can be undisturbed. Sometimes it helps to put on an mp3 player with sounds of nature.
Put your hand over your heart center and breathe into this area for several long breaths. Imagine there is a closed flower under your hand with a crystal in its center. Now think about all that you truly love (kids, animals, spouse, nature, etc.) as well as things that really make you feel good. Take your time imagining. You are building a love vibration in your heart.
Imagine that all of these feelings of love are going into the crystal in the center of the closed flower and see the crystal grow. The love will make the crystal expand and open the petals of the flower, slowly showing the emerging crystal full of colors of the spectrum. Visualize these colors. Feel them, smell them. Let them fill your BEing. Extend this vibration 20 feet out to the front, then to the right, back and to the left of you. Your aura is vibrating with the unconditional love of these thoughts and colors.
When you are ready, come back to your heart center.
From now on, you can put your hand on your heart (or even just imagine it there) and you will bring that sensation of unconditional love to you. It is now in you forever!
Here is a quaint synopsis :
L ook inside
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression