In every challenging period of my life I have chosen to hunker down, check out and deal with things on my own. It was my belief that there really wasn’t anyone who really wanted to listen to what I was going through. Everyone else had their own struggles. Why would they want to listen to me when I was at my lowest? So I would watch TV to numb myself, isolate myself from all the people who cared about me, complain about how rough I had it and then make believe everything was okay.
Most of the time this would carry me over until the next challenging time, but I would make minimal movement towards really seeing/healing what was causing me so much suffering. It wasn’t until I started practicing Trinity that I realized that those challenging moments were ME showing ME what needed to shift so I could come to remembrance of Authenticity. However, I must admit, I hadn’t really committed to a consistent practice until recently.
I knew what the commitment was in theory but I was always drawn back to my usual way of doing things because it felt comfortable. Actually, taking responsibility and making the time to see what I needed to do for myself seemed like too much effort. Growing up, I was spoon fed how to be a victim and it felt SO GOOD. Blaming someone or something else felt awesome because I didn’t have to step up to the plate. I could just hide behind the hurt and the blame and throw stones from a safe distance.
But here’s the thing: The effort it takes to stay in those old patterns is so much more draining than the effort to take responsibility and shift into courage and acceptance! Yes, some of the things we have to look at are truly uncomfortable for us to acknowledge and witness and feel, but we have a choice in what to do.
All of these aspects of me that I have committed not to run away from are qualities that make me cringe. Pieces of me that I hadn’t wanted to acknowledge for such a long time. Right now I’m seeing the mirrors I have put up for myself everywhere. Everything in our reality can be a mirror for growth, if we choose to look at those pieces reflected back to us. Since we are ultimately ALL One, our reality reflects aspects of ourselves “in the mirror” to look at and grow from. My goodness, have I’ve been giving myself messages!
And now, I have decided to truly listen, be fully aware and bring those parts back to love and acceptance. This process has been so difficult as I’m sure it is for most of us. Every piece of unworthiness has come up for me. Every bit of lack. Every bit of “Not Enough”. Every bit of self-loathing. In every situation I have set up, there’s a reflection! There are moments when it feels like that’s all I am, these “less than” pieces. I think, “Will I ever fully remember my Authentic Divine Self? I’m so broken, what’s the use? How will I ever be everything I was created to be when I have so much to undo?”
In the past, I would have given up. I would have manifested an illness so I had the inarguable excuse to check out and hunker down. Chosen something to numb my feelings of unworthiness and fear, isolated myself because I would believe, “Who would love someone so broken and weak?” and hoped it would turn around. Starting to repeat the old patterns of “victim extraordinaire”… this time I knew I had to choose differently. This time, I would not give up on my commitment to wholeness! Even though changing my pattern felt unbearable at times, in choosing to honor me, I remembered the understanding which gave me the perspective to continue and not give up.
Yes, the aspects of lack and separation are reflections of me. Every one of those aspects that I keep becoming aware of are ME, AND so are the aspects of love, compassion, and wisdom, etc., that I witness in others. When I look at another and see courage, creativity, trust, wisdom, joy, unconditional love, passion, that’s ME too!
My only focus doesn’t have to be on the parts that have to be brought back to wholeness. In those moments of despair, one very important thing I can do is look to the vast messages about the DIVINE ME all around. I truly hadn’t seen it that way. When I’m experiencing feelings of separation and lack, if my perspective of someone I admire is that they are everything I am not, this just propels me further into the spiral of despair.
To do it differently, when I feel that fear, doubt, judgement, etc., is what I truly am, what I need to do is look at the mirrors reflecting the Authentic Me, ALL of it! I will not be able to deny the Truth. This will allow me to get past the illusion of separateness long enough for me to continue on the process of forgiveness and acceptance, until I can come back to Wholeness.
In those periods of fear and defeat, I will remind myself that these are just moments leading me to Truth. I will remember to see my true nature of Oneness reflected in others and in situations, just as I see the pieces that are reflecting separation. When I see something in another which I feel I lack, I will remind myself that it’s already within me, for we are all One. I will take courage from the qualities of Oneness I witness and continue allowing and accepting the pieces of separation without so much fear and struggle.
And when I feel the struggle is too much and I want to retreat to old beliefs and patterns, I will reach out to the beautiful soul tribe of which I am a part for support, wisdom, love, perspective, etc., until I feel those same qualities within me again. For it is in those moments that I have to remember I can draw strength from all the wonderful people that surround me. No more hiding who I am or isolation. No more procrastination. The commitment to Wholeness is the path I choose and there’s no way I’m going to make it all the way through if I continue to choose the patterns that no longer serve me. Choose differently. Seek a different perspective. Choose a different action. Think differently. Is this super uncomfortable? YES! But the alternative will not lead me back to ME. The old pattern shows me I am just waiting for me to come home.
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner
As the Holidays race towards me, I am finding it harder to do my self-care. Which makes it harder to create the Holiday I want for me and my family. I have decided to focus my energy on the ideas and things that bring me joy and warm memories. That goes for traditions as well as decorations. In fact, I am broadly applying that to every object in my house!! I am also reminding myself, as often as necessary, that anyone’s dissatisfaction comes from their expectations or believed needs and have nothing to do with me!
I am protecting my space as well, by continuing with my self care routines, even if they get shortened. I need to remind myself that simple things like brushing my teeth, washing my face and showering ARE self care! Another version of self care is watching what I say to myself. I have replaced “Man, I have way too much to do!” With “I have more than enough time to accomplish everything I desire.” It really shifts how my day plays out. I also find that if I think of the things I do for myself, like meals, relaxation time, and sleeping, with the same intent I would have if I were caring for a child or friend, it comes from a much more meaningful place and the results are much more powerful. A very simple self-care example is muting commercials while you watch TV. What a difference this makes! I also make sure I surround myself with things that bring me joy in my sleeping space. For me it is oils in my diffuser that relax me, my favorite Lemurian crystal on my nightstand and that I have an extra blanket handy if I need it during the night. My meal preparation and planning has also been revamped to reflect the notion of joy and warm memories. I don’t make things just because my family always has. I realize that is craziness. I also ask for help when things get busy. I realize that is a way to make more joy and warm memories and that it isn’t a sign of weakness!
All and all I have a much better outlook going in to these Holiday than ever before. I am creating them differently and completely based in joy and love for everyone including myself!!
Trinity Energy Progression Instructor/Practitioner
Last month, eight of us experienced magnificent, expanding, life changing, healing, purifying, magical moments in Mt. Shasta, CA.
During our retreats, the focus is on going within and dissolving what holds us back from realizing our Divine potential. Part of the experience includes extensive self-directed energy healing work, meditation, and reflection… and pushing ourselves beyond our previous limits. We did work together and individually; we meditated alone and we shared meditations too. One of the ongoing exercises is a vortex where we all focus on one in the group at a time.
We experienced deep and intense shares from our vortex exercises; full of epiphanies and breakthroughs… many of you felt and/or are still feeling it too, because – outside of space and time – many of you who practice Oneness consciousness, even though you might not have been physically present, also felt and have experienced the shifts.
I was blessed to meet and share with some of the most beautiful beings in my soul tribe I have met thus far in this life. One of them was, a magical, full of joy, very special being named Sandi.
I had heard of her in the past. I also knew she’d had a very serious health situation last year where she found herself choosing to stay or go. The details were not very clear to me at the onset of the retreat. However, throughout the experience, we effortlessly and quietly connected; I later learned about our shared love for music, sound, yoga, and magical fun experiences!
In one of our shares, Sandi was in the middle of the vortex; what I saw and experienced during the exercise was very interesting and different…and I was guided not to share at that moment. I judged and judged myself for not sharing, thinking it was negative and low vibration compared to the beautiful understandings the others shared, yet the Higher plan was different. I chose then to embrace myself and be courageous to share privately with her.
In the beginning of the vortex, I’d expected that connecting with this magical visionary would provide an equally magical experience with her. Instead… I found myself in a hospital room… Seriously? I remember feeling confused and a bit annoyed, yet I allowed and flowed with it. It only took a few moments to realize what I was seeing, since I remembered she had been in the hospital the year before. I immediately looked at the bed and saw her… and things made more sense. I was the observer and also participating.
She looked fragile and a bit lifeless, yet inside she was vibrant but annoyed and anxious because she wasn’t able to communicate to tell the doctors what to do. It was an empty and dull place; she wanted out of there. All of a sudden I saw all of us in the vortex, standing around the bed where Sandi was laying. Her soul was happy to see us as we started asking her (telepathically) what assistance she needed… she was ready to let us know what to do! She knew what needed to be done, it seemed no one around her in the 3D quite knew what to do even though they were very concerned about her health. We were moving around doctors and other people around her, totally invisible to them.
I remember her telling us where and how to make changes energetically, to affect the physical. It was quick! As she shifted her energy and we shared with her, she began moving into this cat kneading pose that earlier during our Mt. Shasta retreat that had initially been a joke… and there was significant change.
Choosing to share my vortex experience with Sandi that night (then further discussion later, after the trip) not only validated things that I saw, but it also brought up some things for her to remember that has also validated some of her experiences, too. We are still in awe from all of this… the logical mind thinks, “How crazy!”
A funny synchronicity was this “cat kneading pose” joke… (Funny enough, as I’m writing this, my cat just joined me! She literally put her tail on my face, turned around and sat next to me!).
Sandi and I had a moment during the trip when we were talking and sharing about our love for yoga; in the process, we came up with with the pose: laying with your back on the floor and the legs over the head, like a Karna Pindasana (yoga posture)/Alanda Balasana (happy baby pose). Then, moving one’s hands like a cat kneading in the air. We laughed so much! So, when I shared my experience seeing her doing that, it hit me: Seeing her doing that pose was a transformative message of unity and recognition, in showing me that what we were doing was helping her to heal/change her reality, even though I didn’t know her yet in linear time!
Later, she shared with me that in the beginning of her recovery (because she couldn’t talk or move much), one of the initial exercises she did when she first woke up from her extended hospital stay was moving her fingers like a cat kneading. So if we removed ourselves from the limitations of linear time… we could recognize that it’s quite possible that we “jokingly” created such a “pose” today, in a way that she could use it in the “past” to help to heal and recover Or, did she forget she used it, so we could have a fun opportunity to remember together, and circle back around?
Pretty wild, right?
After this experience, I view every moment differently. I never thought that part of dissolving what holds me back during our Mt. Shasta retreat would include pushing myself out of my comfort zone to fully own and express myself and my higher consciousness experiences; accepting myself as I am, where I am, knowing that everything has a purpose!
What we’re going through is beyond magical! The more we push and allow ourselves to experience well beyond our logical mind, the more we can realize and trust that all is perfectly orchestrated; the more we do that, the more we experience moments in multidimensionality, and can do so outside of space and time.