It happens to everyone; people put others on a pedestal for various reasons. For me, it all comes down to one reason; I was looking for something outside of myself that I felt I could not be myself. Notice what I said: I could not BE myself. It happens all the time in the spiritual community. And it may not be one sided; the person on the pedestal, consciously or unconsciously, knows they are on it and some want to keep it that way.
I did this with girlfriends. Without someone who loves me, I wasn’t complete. I did this with my mother; she’s always right because she yells the loudest. That may not seem like a reason to put someone on a pedestal, but when you’re young, there are no requirements for this. It just happens. My mother was one of those where the person felt they should be on the pedestal. Why? “Because I’m the mother, that’s why!” That’s what I mean by yelling the loudest. Why did she yell loudly? Because she is exclusively externally validated.
What I’ve realized about myself is I’ve taken people off of the pedestal, but the pedestal remained. When I’ve taken people off, there is a pull away from that person. Usually this has been precipitated by a blow up that confuses me. I try to figure out what is going on while my ego is also trying to grab the ground it feels is rightly its own. But I focus on the conversation and what’s being said because the other persons’ ego is doing the same thing. I ask honest questions and unwittingly aggravate the situation and feel more confused by it.
An unconscious message I received from my mother was that I am responsible for other peoples’ feelings. If I upset anyone, it’s my job to make them feel better along with fixing the situation. That’s where this all comes from. When this situation is happening, I am being the mirror to the other and the other is getting more and more upset with me for reflecting back what they’ve said and I get confused. That’s my part of keeping this going is the confusion because I keep asking questions based on what was said and what was said was ego based and doesn’t hold up under questioning.
I have been on the other side of this fence many times also. It’s not a pleasant experience when I calm down, and it would feed my big sense of unworthiness at that time. It said, “See? See what happens when you talk about how you feel and it’s upsetting to someone else?” How I felt was never taken into consideration at all… and what that can do is create someone who doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings because the message is “emotions are too painful.”
This year (2016) I had some soreness in my left wrist and the top of my arm. Nothing happened to make it so, it just slowly showed up. I would do yoga and realize there were positions I had a harder time doing because of my wrist. I also realized my balance seemed to be worse than I remember it. Doing the Tree position was always a challenge, but I had gotten better at it. Suddenly, it seemed I really couldn’t hold it even for the brief time I had been able to. I couldn’t stop wobbling. The same with the Warrior Two movements; those I never had a balance issue until this time.
So, with all of the above in the background, I had another back-and-forth with a close friend. This wasn’t the first one, but it was a side I started to see more of with this person and the same scenario above played itself out. When this happens, I have the hardest time letting it go until I feel I understand the whole thing. I let myself get locked into a loop. A day later, after unplugging from it by doing something for myself, it came into focus; I had this person still on a pedestal. I say still because I was already aware I had done that, but I thought I had taken care of it. I hadn’t, so I did right then in meditation.
I realized not only did I have this person on a pedestal, but also I was holding the pedestal up. Why would I create a pedestal and not be the one to hold it up? It’s mine so I’m going to hold it. Picture that; there is someone on a pedestal, under them is the pedestal (I always pictured it as a solid marble Roman column), under that is me holding both up. Not only did I put myself under the person, but also I am under the pedestal, which is also my creation. I am below my own creation. The pedestal deserves more than I give myself because it holds the person who “makes” me feel better about myself. But the old patterns still apply; if that person “makes” me feel bad, it’s their responsibility to “make” me feel good, right? For me: yes and no. Yes because of the pattern, but no because I am unworthy to feel good because I have “made” people feel bad in the past, so, in the long run, no.
I have done this with women most throughout my life, and this case was no different. The next morning I put it together that maybe the soreness in my wrist and arm was because I was holding up a person and a pedestal and it made sense since the left is the feminine side. I went into meditation and removed the person and the pedestal. The next day I did a couple of exercises that used my wrist and upper arm and they were not sore at all. I did Tree and Warrior Two and my balance was like I remembered it.
What is striking about this is the soreness I had felt for months on and off. I felt it was telling me this is coming to the surface. By being aware of it for months, it would be in the forefront of my consciousness when the reason for it being there came up. It also pointed out to me what I was being shown all along but avoided seeing until now: The reason this kept happening was because I wasn’t fully aware I kept doing it. Each time it happened was a chance to change it and I never took it until now because I didn’t feel worthy enough to totally rely on myself for what I always looked for outside of me: completeness, wholeness and unconditional love of myself. I will say the soreness didn’t completely disappear initially, though it was less sore. It would come and go but not as much or often. Sometimes it can take a little time to work itself out while I’m still meditating on what came up. As I write this, I don’t think about it as much because I no longer vibrate at that frequency.
Things were sorted out between my friend and I. We each looked within ourselves and dealt with whatever was being shown to us. We didn’t need to talk about it afterwards. Now rather than having only two points marked ‘black’ and ‘white’, I’ve allowed the full color spectrum and relationship to exist anywhere on that line. The reason the only choices were black and white was because of the void I looked to be filled by someone else. Either you did it or you didn’t. And the reason it always failed was I never said to that person, “I am looking for someone to fill this. Will you be that person?” It was all internal and the other had no idea it was happening. Actually, they usually did have a feeling, all the way to a knowing it was happening, as did I except when I was submerged in it. I now live on an infinite continuum rather than two confined points. The only way I can achieve that is to allow myself to be anywhere on the continuum.
What brought these experiences to me was the energy of the pedestal. It brought people to me, not to fill the void I felt I had, but to make me aware of the pedestal itself so that I would consciously remove it. The whole process was agreed upon at a higher level. What’s important to me is my end of it and how I feel based on living my truth. As long as I know I am in that, that’s all there is. And it’s the same for the other person but their truth may not sync up with mine. How can truth not sync up with itself? The more you delve into details, the more ego is involved. But someone can still disagree with someone else about something and still be living their truth. On a higher level, the truth is about something more broad and expansive. Just because we disagree on something doesn’t mean we don’t love each other. That’s the bigger truth. It does sync up with someone else’s truth because it’s the same truth. The higher you go, the more truth syncs up with itself because there are fewer of them. The lower you go, the less it does. And what looks like a disagreement on the lower level may be a higher-level thing playing itself out. For me, it’s living my truth and allowing a disagreement to exist between another and myself and continuing to love that person and myself. That was baffling to me because the shock I absorbed when I was young was, “You agree with me on everything regardless of whatever else I do or say.” That’s where all the mirror questions would come from and they were scary to say because there was always ‘consequences.’ An intense energy coming at me in the form of “Accept what I am saying and stop questioning me,” which is merely showing the lack of self-worth from the other and myself because if it’s in my reality, I asked for it to be there for a reason.
It is an amazing lesson to finally learn. The more you resist becoming aware of the lessons you ask to learn before incarnating, the more intense they are going to come to you until you get it. It may make an exciting story, but it is not needed. We don’t need to learn lessons by intense situations. That energy can be better spent moving more freely and progressing your soul. At the end of your life, you could be at the 600-mile marker or have gone so far that you went off the planet and don’t need to come back. You achieved all. And that choice is unique to everyone.
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner