Author: Admin
An Ego’s Confession on the Spiritual Path
I must confess that I feel like I don’t know anything anymore. Everything that I thought I knew just does not seem right. I have lost certainty. I used to think that I had answers, but that feeling is so foreign to me currently. Discussions that were once riveting have started to fade into mindless uninteresting banter. When I listen to other people express their ideas, I am unable to find them interesting. It goes in, and all I think is that they have nothing new to share with me. Even when they are so adamant that this is the newest thing, my mind says we’ve been here before; nothing new here. When I try to listen with my heart, I get the warm feelings of “Yay! They’re coming around!” but hearing age-old ideas being presented as “new” when this information has been so easily accessible for years does not captivate my novelty-seeking mind. I try to let go of judgment when it comes to these situations, but I also find it disingenuous to rebrand concepts that were rejected earlier based on their associations.
I am feeling a bit lost and disillusioned. In order to save and liberate myself, it is time for me to be honest with others and myself. Why must I force myself to feel like I have no voice in order to protect relationships that appear to be one-sided? What am I to do when my ideas are met with accusations of proselytizing or spinning semantics? How should I feel when someone else presents the same ideas later and is met later with glorious applause? Is it my ego that is making me feel like this? I tried to convince myself of this, but this approach is leading to apathy. My ego is also responsible for my thinking that I have to check my ego so that I don’t fall out of line. My present feelings of knowing nothing anymore are a product of “turning the other cheek” over and over again.
After some introspection, the following is how I understand the relationship with the ego. Integrating the ego is not about dissolving it so that you lose your personal feelings and individuality in order to become a listless member of the hive-mind. Integrating the ego with your spiritual being means that you won’t measure your self-worth against others. It means that you will create your reality instead of reacting to the reality that is around you. It is about liberating yourself from self-limiting thoughts and behaviors. Checking your ego doesn’t mean that you cannot assert yourself while another person is leading a diatribe at your expense! A healthy ego will not let another person’s words and actions diminish your feelings of self-worth, and having a healthy ego does not mean capitulating to the other person’s ego. It’s ok to call someone out on their BS; it just may require more tact than it really should in some cases.
But what the hell do I know? I know nothing… That’s ok… Somehow I still feel like I am on my way.
Kevin Brown
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner
Time for the “L” Word… (Ready for REAL Progression?)
Lord Voldemort image from imgkid.com, giova94
Lucifer, that is. Yep… that’s right. “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named,” I guess some would say (outside of the Harry Potter world, LOL)… ESPECIALLY in spiritual circles!
Did that make you squirm? It’s DEFINITELY something to look at, then…
It’s quite an interesting observation that so, so many who consider themselves “lightworkers” never, ever, EVER align or connect themselves in any way to what we’ve created as the personification of darkness. So many claim to have ALWAYS been a “lightworker,” ALWAYS helped other people, ALWAYS been a healer. in ALL of their many, many lives… you get the idea.
Let me interject here, first, on this topic alone… because I’m calling it. Not so!
It’s actually rather limiting (and simply convenient to the judgement-based ego) to only ever want to look at the “light” side of ourselves. We did, as the Divine expressing ourselves individually, create the perception of separation. What we consider darkness is simply different levels of separation; the darker something is considered, the more based in separation the energy of it is. All of the energies of separation – also, all of the energies and emotions of the ego – are also a part of what we consider the darkness. Resistance, fear, anxiety, regret, resentment, guilt, doubt, sorrow, pain, anger/rage, shame… anything that has anything but the complete energy of Oneness is based in separation. And, the more extreme, the more “dark” we consider it. So the “darkness” and every part of those emotions/energies… are one and the same. And we’ve carried them out in every which way, whether a little or a lot.
It’s so, so easy for us to say, “I’m the embodiment of _______” – whether it’s the Divine Mother, Archangel Raphael, Ascended Master St. Germain (or countless others) – and in that, we typically stop the searching for our experience. However, these are also masks behind which we hide… even the brightest, most enlightened individuals in existence. Because, by the way… it is my understanding that anything with an individual identity has an ego… and it is also my understanding that the ego was created to explore individuality and separation.
Why would we have created an entire existence of the perception of separation – the infinite, Divine beings that we are – without exploring it to all depths, all possibilities?
We’ve ALL explored, ALL of it.
Our traditional stance on “the battle of good vs. evil,” in the energy of fighting/resistance – simply creates more separation… and darkness… and simply perpetuates its existence. It’s time to remember that in the perception of separation that we created, we created the darkness, and it’s that part of ourselves (often called Shadow Work in spiritual circles) that it’s most, MOST important to look at straight on, accept… and LOVE, if we’re really ready to dissolve it once and for all.
Enter Lucifer. Or, rather, as I call him as I’ve experienced, Archangel Lucifer.
Image from TheGoldenAgeofAquarius.com
My active discovery, acceptance, and discussion of this topic – and the representation of this persona – started in a really, really unexpected way. Years ago, I was listening to a series of guided meditations that were put out by a group of lightworkers focused on helping all raise the vibration of the Earth for this “next phase.” I resonated with some of their meditations… I didn’t with some others. They had one called “The Resolution of Darkness”, and my guidance was to go through that particular one. So, I put my headphones on… and the guiding of the meditation took the participant to a cave, in which there was a burdened archangel in the darkness; one who had volunteered to take on the personification of the darkness, to be the reminder of what we have ALL created within ourselves, in creating ourselves. It’s been a huge job… and he was tired. The guided meditation went on – surprisingly, at the time – to thank Archangel Lucifer for taking on that role, and to release him of this duty, to bask in the light again.
Even more surprisingly – midway through this, I started sobbing uncontrollably. I felt this down to my very core… the gratitude, the love, and the wonderment of taking on the externalization of that which we have conveniently repressed away inside of ourselves.
What a healing that was!
Fast forward, a few years later, after I had been gifted with the remembrance of this amazing practice of Trinity Energy Progression™ – coming back to the remembrance of our Divine Self – to pass on and help with the resolution of duality, separation, and externalization of the Divine. This was well underway. I was contentedly on my way to acupuncture one morning, looking forward to my “out there” time on the table. I was sitting at a traffic light on the way to my acupuncturist’s office, when I heard the voice of my Higher Self say to me, “Call upon Archangel Lucifer, and ask to do a Trinity session with him.”
My first response to that was, “Say, WHAT?”
I listened for more… but all I heard was the repeat of the pretty solid direction from the Higher Consciousness. So, I tried it on for size – and then “put it on the shelf” as I continued on. I tried to just let that go.
When I was on the acupuncture table, on my “way out” (trying to ignore the request), the voice came in even louder and more insistent.
And so I did.
I remember asking permission, asking if we could do such a session in Divine Consciousness. And, though I felt what for lack of a better word felt like a little hesitation, I did get acquiescence. I remember the session… and the melding… and it was the equivalent of feeling like I was literally weighed down with tons of weights underneath craggy, hard, cold rock. And yet, once we were “there,” even with the heaviness, we became one in the light… and as the light was “turned up,” it felt like an innumerable number of rivers of light started flowing through the rock, first in little veins, and then expanding throughout, even if it was still a bit heavy. The amazing part: At the end of this, when I was guided to stop, I felt a wave of gratitude, coming from and to me!
Shortly after this experience, I was guided to do the same a number of times, and each time, it became easier and easier, brighter and brighter.
At some point, I started “seeing” Archangel Lucifer in “light form” on occasion. In fact, there have been a handful of times that this persona has shown himself to me – in his light form – in the middle of a session, typically when a client if ready, willing, and able to look at and finally embrace/love even the darkest depths of themselves. He has explained in these sessions the purpose of the creation of “the darkness,” and separation – and how with that, we’ve created feelings, textures, colors (like the prism), everything we’ve loved experiencing through this existence. To me, he has also become the representation of the acceptance of the whole – the Oneness – regardless of what that looks like. ALL is within the Light; ALL is part of the Divine.
I know some of the most light-emanating individuals who have discovered in their self-focused development a very personal, historical relationship with Lucifer (from very different levels of consciousness)… and, though typically starting out as a VERY heavy realization, it has allowed them the core of some of their MOST accelerated spiritual growth!
Melek Ta’us, the Peacock Angel
If we look around, there are some interesting personifications of the resolution of the darkness. Not too long ago, in discussing this experience in a class I was teaching, I was provided with a reminder of the persona of Melek Ta’us (pictured here, with a name translated as the “Peacock Angel”); a prominent deity of the Yazidi pantheon. He is considered to be the redeemed/forgiven Lucifer.The story is that he cried and collected his tears for 7,000 years, and the tears were used to douse the fires of hell.
There is SO much more to share here… when you look closely throughout history, we have embedded within much of our mythology (including that within all belief systems) hints that this vital remembrance is crucial to our progresion, ascension… or whatever you want to call it. I’ll save that discussion for another day…
The point is this: As in Harry Potter… the fear of anything ebbs when we look at it and accept it straight on. Say the name out loud; remember that Archangel Lucifer is actually “He Who MUST Be Named” – accepting the whole of ourselves – as a part of our ascension, and include just as much gratitude for this persona in the collection of those we’ve created for the whole of this experience! If there’s resistance and judgment on that… well, then you know what’s to be focused on within YOU. Because, when we begin to REALLY “walk the walk,” and TRULY live in the remembrance that we are all One, we are ALL Light and love – even the darkest parts of us and what we’ve created – we remember that we’re ALL just as connected with and a part of Lucifer as with Jeshua or any of the other personifications of pure, Divine Consciousness… and it’s time for us to remember, accept, and love that WHOLE within ourselves, so we can “game up”!
Much love and many hugs,
Angela Coulter
Originator, Trinity Energy Progression
The Art of Fishing… Bike Riding… and Pedestal Playing
“Give someone a fish, and you’ll feed them for a day. Teach them how to fish, and feed them for a lifetime.” ~Proverb
When I went through my Awakening into Remembrance, I realized (and have been reminded again and again) that I had signed up to “do things differently.” Boy… is THAT an understatement!
My job, as I understand it, is to “teach one to fish”… and in general, it’s very, very different than our traditional method of teaching. After all… Trinity Energy Progression™ IS the practice of remembering how to fully access the Divine Consciousness, of which we’re all a part; the key importance of this practice is the IN-dependence – to remember that we have access to ALL of the answers INSIDE of us, and that we need not depend on anyone or anything else to provide them.
This is SUCH a huge habit to break in this existence of duality and separation; one where we’ve excelled in the practice of disempowerment and giving away our power and getting answers from others, “outside” of ourselves! It’s so ingrained in this reality that I spend a LOT of time with students stripping away the habits of getting the answers from outside… from someone else, including me.
Sounds simple, right? Have you ever let go of a deeply ingrained limiting habit that you’ve perpetuated for a long time? How about one that’s been perpetuated for eons, lifetime after lifetime, lesson after lesson?
My first steps toward this began with becoming completely trusting in my own understanding and IN-dependent myself; also, to process remembrance via the higher, connected consciousness from a state of love vs. the lower separation-based ego in the 3D (there are many levels to the ego, well beyond the 3D). My decisions and communications come from the higher perspective and guidance, and always with the understanding of what’s highest and best in every situation. This is far, far beyond the “old” paradigm in the 3D of teaching with the motivation of needing to be loved, adored, and/or put on a pedestal by the students, to be the one “with all of the answers,” and the one to whom the students go for those answers. In contrast, pushing others to accessing the answers themselves – flexing muscles that haven’t been flexed for a lonnnnnng time – isn’t always the most “popular” thing, and the ego doesn’t always perceive this as easy. However, the more I’ve remembered that helping someone from non-egoic love, with the true intention of accessing their own Divine Truth and understanding – even if their ego wants to kick and scream about it – the easier it’s become. I stand in love for the Self and, likewise, love for all I teach (because, by the way, they all teach me in different ways, as well).
Once we were having an online conversation via the Trinity Practitioners Facebook Group, and a practitioner was angry because I wouldn’t give them the answer to something they wanted; however, they noticed that I’d “given an answer” to another one of the students that had asked a question. I’d answered that it was because this particular student had just taken class weeks previous to the conversation, and that it’s a weaning process… that’s fairly short. Another practitioner commented that it was much like a parent teaching a child to ride a bicycle, and that was a GREAT metaphor! First there’s training wheels… then the parent (/teacher) holds the back of the bike while the child practices… and before you know it, the parent (/teacher) has let go, and the child/student doesn’t even realize it as they ride away, self sufficient!
That IS actually a lot like teaching Trinity Energy Progression, and self-reliance.
My understanding is that part of this ascension process is fully taking back our power, standing in it, in full love for the Self and in full remembrance of the Divine beings we ALL are. We can only really do that when we become IN-dependent! I’ve had friends, students, and clients get angry with me, vilify me, stop talking to me because after a certain point, I won’t give them an answer they already have, or feed into something that’s come up for them to release. Sometimes my guidance is to withdraw from interacting altogether; typically, this is because it’s time for the student to “ride the bike on their own.”
Or… to get out there and fish!
What’s SO awesome to me is when the student does, in fact, begin to fish/ride on their own… they often realize what the “weaning” process was all about. Even better is when we begin to help each other to remember equally!
The new/original paradigm isn’t that no one is “special”; it’s that we’re ALL special, and we’re ALL Divine! Once, in conversation, I was talking about the disappointment of many “putting me on a pedestal”; a friend said, “Oh, come on… admit it… you like being on the pedestal!” I laughed and said, “It’s not that I don’t like being on the pedestal… it’s that I’m waiting for everyone else to remember that they’re already on there with me!”
Ultimately, it’s far more fun to fish together… bike together… and play together!
Much love,
Angela Coulter
Originator, Trinity Energy Progresion
Shadow Work 2: Shame Exposé
Over the past several months, I have been going down an ego spiral with self-judgement, judgement, and narcissistic thought patterns. I was angry with the lack of recognition for my contributions and I would bounce back and forth between judging others and judging myself. Then I was judging myself for being judgmental. In my professional life I was receiving a lot of praise and acknowledgement for my contributions and skills leading up to promotion after 7 months at a new job. I was humbled by the new opportunity, but I also felt uncomfortable by the recognition. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling this way. I was feeling I was not good enough when I was not getting recognition and then not good enough to receive the recognition when it was given.
For this blog, I decided to present some the ideas from the psycho-social research I have been reading on shame and relate it back to alternative healing, primarily focusing on Trinity Energy ProgressionTM. In the energy healing circles, people like to criticize the established fields of science. However, I implore you to start keeping an open mind since everyone is shifting even in the science community. Labeling all science and research as being “3D” or “in-the-box” thinking is highly judgmental, especially if you have not read or considered any of the ideas, not to mention hypocritical if also quoting Carl Jung and misappropriating ideas from quantum physics. Who’s the fundamentalist now? LOL. The shame researchers are very out-of-the box thinkers; and have struggled to get their research published. It is a huge disservice to discredit them as being in league with the old paradigm. I am not going to bore you with research details here, but I will try to offer a balanced perspective to inspire you to look shame in the face.
Shame is a dirty word in our society. We don’t like to talk about it. We keep our shame hidden even from our closest friends. We are taught shame at an early age. We even place value on shame as way to maintain societal norms and traditions. Consider the phrase “Have you no shame?”. But shame is not beneficial; its basic function is to keep our true selves hidden. It is the ego’s greatest tool to keep us isolated and separated from each other. Shame cuts off our ability to connect with others and fuels denial, aggression, and judgement. Even healing facilitators are not immune to the effects of shame. The shame could come from current life issues, inherited from our parents, and perhaps past lives, but I believe it is something primarily perpetuated in the collective.
My focus on shame came to light after a friend lent me a lecture series given by Brené Brown. I finally started piecing together my behavior patterns with shame. Brené Brown’s lecture was like preaching to the choir for me. It did not necessarily tell me what I didn’t already know, but it did empower me with the vocabulary and a framework for how shame was affecting me. I would recommend giving “The Power of Vulnerability” a listen if you have an interest in the topic.
So what is shame? Shame is often conflated with self-judgement and guilt. However, I understand shame as not being the same as self-judgement or guilt. It is true that shame may seem to be a product of judgement, but we have to be taught shame first in order be affected by judgement. This is where the mirror comes in. When we judge others, we judge them on issues that we hold shame for ourselves, but we do not necessarily judge ourselves for that issue, which is the distinction. If we feel that if we are lacking in a topic or characteristic, we will judge someone else for excelling or under-performing in those areas. This is an ego mechanism/behavior to protect one’s separate identity by justifying or distracting from the way we feel about ourselves. To put it in another way: shame is a feeling related to self-esteem and isolation, and judgement is one of many thought-behavior patterns inspired by shame.
Consider the Compass of Shame developed by Donald Nathanson (1992) as a tool to describe behaviors, in which people engage when consumed by shame. The four patterns of behavior are “withdrawal”, “avoidance”, “attack others”, and “attack self”. Withdrawal is the behavior pattern where one seeks isolation from others. Avoidance is the behavior to deny or distract from one’s own thoughts and feelings. Attack others and attack self are pretty self explanatory. These are the shields that we put up to prevent ourselves from being vulnerable. As much as I do not wish to admit it, I feel that I have expressed all four behavior patterns over the past several months, but I know that this happened in order for me to finally say “enough is enough”.
I am by no means cured of my shame issues, but I believe I am making headway in identifying why I judge myself and others or become withdrawn. This is why I am not going to simply tell you to stop judging or release judgement or any other behavior in the shame compass. Some of us have been gifted with a strong sense of shame, and such advice will just further the expression of shame. If you want to take it further, telling someone to stop doing something that is wrong or not beneficial imparts a sense of judgement, no matter how you sugarcoat it. The caring advice-giving person may not be actively or consciously judging, but the person who is receiving the advice will interpret judgement because of their own shame, which the ego uses to highjack the mind. They feel bad for doing it, and then the shame-based behavior will continue. Brené Brown gave an example about drug abuse and shame, in which interventions that judge or attempt to guilt the addict into rehabilitation do not effect change in the behavior. This is why healing the shame is vital. Releasing judgement is secondary since it is an addiction.
So what about guilt? Apparently a little bit of guilt is healthy. It is the feeling that one gets when recognizing that one has done someone else wrong. There may be a little bit of shame involved, but if the shame consumes you, you will have no room for guilt, and therefore not recognize what the other person has felt. Guilt comes from empathy and provides the drive to correct errors, whereas shame would prevent one to express empathy and make amends. The distinction is subtle, but it is an important one to make. If someone is “consumed by guilt” and not doing something to correct the issue, then there is probably more of a shame issue.
So how does one heal their shame? It sounds overwhelming, and you may not know where to begin. Deciding to focus on and heal one’s shame is truly difficult, because admitting one’s shame is often regarded as weakness. This is the type of shadow work that could be lifelong if the proper perspective is not enabled. The first step would be to recognize how shame influences our behavior and in what ways it governs our self-esteem, and I would recommend using the Compass of Shame as a start if you are clueless of where to begin. You can do an internet image search for it and see how it relates to any behavior patterns you see in your life. Another approach is to have a no-judgement candid discussion with a friend or loved one about what they see in your daily behavior that would fit the shame behavior compass, which may be painful to hear; think of it as a bandage being ripped off. Hopefully you would be mentally prepared for what you will hear if you are in control of the situation, because it could always come to you without invitation.
We often want to change our behaviors or thoughts without going to the deeper root issues, but we still have to do the work that makes look directly at our shame (shadow). It is about accepting ourselves for who we are and loving every bit of it. We have to forgive ourselves and remember that we are not alone. We are not the only ones having this experience despite other people’s shame having you believe otherwise. To put perspective on the matter, I view shame as the 3D mind/body expression (aka emotion) caused by the separation from others and our divinity. It is the prison cell, within which we lock ourselves despite having the key. I cannot express strongly enough that meditation and mindfulness are probably the most important tools when healing shame.
I know this is all easier said than done. I can only point the way and walk some distance with you. The inertia of getting started is always difficult to overcome. If you do not already have healing meditation practice in mind, I would recommend Trinity Energy Progression as a wonderful tool to get started and make a arduous journey fun and inspiring. For me, Trinity has been the method for keeping the light bright while delving deep into the shame shadow work. Trinity allows us to easily remember our divinity and the oneness. In order to grow, we may have to face some difficult issues that slow our progression. How you choose to do it will determine how graceful and easy it will be. I think I will choose LOVE!
D5 Creation