Tag: judgment
Shadow Work 2: Shame Exposé
Over the past several months, I have been going down an ego spiral with self-judgement, judgement, and narcissistic thought patterns. I was angry with the lack of recognition for my contributions and I would bounce back and forth between judging others and judging myself. Then I was judging myself for being judgmental. In my professional life I was receiving a lot of praise and acknowledgement for my contributions and skills leading up to promotion after 7 months at a new job. I was humbled by the new opportunity, but I also felt uncomfortable by the recognition. I couldn’t figure out why I was feeling this way. I was feeling I was not good enough when I was not getting recognition and then not good enough to receive the recognition when it was given.
For this blog, I decided to present some the ideas from the psycho-social research I have been reading on shame and relate it back to alternative healing, primarily focusing on Trinity Energy ProgressionTM. In the energy healing circles, people like to criticize the established fields of science. However, I implore you to start keeping an open mind since everyone is shifting even in the science community. Labeling all science and research as being “3D” or “in-the-box” thinking is highly judgmental, especially if you have not read or considered any of the ideas, not to mention hypocritical if also quoting Carl Jung and misappropriating ideas from quantum physics. Who’s the fundamentalist now? LOL. The shame researchers are very out-of-the box thinkers; and have struggled to get their research published. It is a huge disservice to discredit them as being in league with the old paradigm. I am not going to bore you with research details here, but I will try to offer a balanced perspective to inspire you to look shame in the face.
Shame is a dirty word in our society. We don’t like to talk about it. We keep our shame hidden even from our closest friends. We are taught shame at an early age. We even place value on shame as way to maintain societal norms and traditions. Consider the phrase “Have you no shame?”. But shame is not beneficial; its basic function is to keep our true selves hidden. It is the ego’s greatest tool to keep us isolated and separated from each other. Shame cuts off our ability to connect with others and fuels denial, aggression, and judgement. Even healing facilitators are not immune to the effects of shame. The shame could come from current life issues, inherited from our parents, and perhaps past lives, but I believe it is something primarily perpetuated in the collective.
My focus on shame came to light after a friend lent me a lecture series given by Brené Brown. I finally started piecing together my behavior patterns with shame. Brené Brown’s lecture was like preaching to the choir for me. It did not necessarily tell me what I didn’t already know, but it did empower me with the vocabulary and a framework for how shame was affecting me. I would recommend giving “The Power of Vulnerability” a listen if you have an interest in the topic.
So what is shame? Shame is often conflated with self-judgement and guilt. However, I understand shame as not being the same as self-judgement or guilt. It is true that shame may seem to be a product of judgement, but we have to be taught shame first in order be affected by judgement. This is where the mirror comes in. When we judge others, we judge them on issues that we hold shame for ourselves, but we do not necessarily judge ourselves for that issue, which is the distinction. If we feel that if we are lacking in a topic or characteristic, we will judge someone else for excelling or under-performing in those areas. This is an ego mechanism/behavior to protect one’s separate identity by justifying or distracting from the way we feel about ourselves. To put it in another way: shame is a feeling related to self-esteem and isolation, and judgement is one of many thought-behavior patterns inspired by shame.
Consider the Compass of Shame developed by Donald Nathanson (1992) as a tool to describe behaviors, in which people engage when consumed by shame. The four patterns of behavior are “withdrawal”, “avoidance”, “attack others”, and “attack self”. Withdrawal is the behavior pattern where one seeks isolation from others. Avoidance is the behavior to deny or distract from one’s own thoughts and feelings. Attack others and attack self are pretty self explanatory. These are the shields that we put up to prevent ourselves from being vulnerable. As much as I do not wish to admit it, I feel that I have expressed all four behavior patterns over the past several months, but I know that this happened in order for me to finally say “enough is enough”.
I am by no means cured of my shame issues, but I believe I am making headway in identifying why I judge myself and others or become withdrawn. This is why I am not going to simply tell you to stop judging or release judgement or any other behavior in the shame compass. Some of us have been gifted with a strong sense of shame, and such advice will just further the expression of shame. If you want to take it further, telling someone to stop doing something that is wrong or not beneficial imparts a sense of judgement, no matter how you sugarcoat it. The caring advice-giving person may not be actively or consciously judging, but the person who is receiving the advice will interpret judgement because of their own shame, which the ego uses to highjack the mind. They feel bad for doing it, and then the shame-based behavior will continue. Brené Brown gave an example about drug abuse and shame, in which interventions that judge or attempt to guilt the addict into rehabilitation do not effect change in the behavior. This is why healing the shame is vital. Releasing judgement is secondary since it is an addiction.
So what about guilt? Apparently a little bit of guilt is healthy. It is the feeling that one gets when recognizing that one has done someone else wrong. There may be a little bit of shame involved, but if the shame consumes you, you will have no room for guilt, and therefore not recognize what the other person has felt. Guilt comes from empathy and provides the drive to correct errors, whereas shame would prevent one to express empathy and make amends. The distinction is subtle, but it is an important one to make. If someone is “consumed by guilt” and not doing something to correct the issue, then there is probably more of a shame issue.
So how does one heal their shame? It sounds overwhelming, and you may not know where to begin. Deciding to focus on and heal one’s shame is truly difficult, because admitting one’s shame is often regarded as weakness. This is the type of shadow work that could be lifelong if the proper perspective is not enabled. The first step would be to recognize how shame influences our behavior and in what ways it governs our self-esteem, and I would recommend using the Compass of Shame as a start if you are clueless of where to begin. You can do an internet image search for it and see how it relates to any behavior patterns you see in your life. Another approach is to have a no-judgement candid discussion with a friend or loved one about what they see in your daily behavior that would fit the shame behavior compass, which may be painful to hear; think of it as a bandage being ripped off. Hopefully you would be mentally prepared for what you will hear if you are in control of the situation, because it could always come to you without invitation.
We often want to change our behaviors or thoughts without going to the deeper root issues, but we still have to do the work that makes look directly at our shame (shadow). It is about accepting ourselves for who we are and loving every bit of it. We have to forgive ourselves and remember that we are not alone. We are not the only ones having this experience despite other people’s shame having you believe otherwise. To put perspective on the matter, I view shame as the 3D mind/body expression (aka emotion) caused by the separation from others and our divinity. It is the prison cell, within which we lock ourselves despite having the key. I cannot express strongly enough that meditation and mindfulness are probably the most important tools when healing shame.
I know this is all easier said than done. I can only point the way and walk some distance with you. The inertia of getting started is always difficult to overcome. If you do not already have healing meditation practice in mind, I would recommend Trinity Energy Progression as a wonderful tool to get started and make a arduous journey fun and inspiring. For me, Trinity has been the method for keeping the light bright while delving deep into the shame shadow work. Trinity allows us to easily remember our divinity and the oneness. In order to grow, we may have to face some difficult issues that slow our progression. How you choose to do it will determine how graceful and easy it will be. I think I will choose LOVE!
Who I Am?
Over the past several weeks or maybe months, I, along with many others, have aligned with the intentions to release several major partitions within myself.
First, I focused on my feelings of responsibility for those close to me, including their healing and spiritual paths. I released those feelings of responsibility and obligation, allowing them to be responsible for their own journey. On the heels of that clearing came the need to release my judgments of everything, including those around me on their spiritual path and journey.
Next came my acceptance of the shadow side of the light and the role I played in unleashing this shadow side into this version of duality. That caused a revisit to the release of judgment again; but this time of myself! Somewhere in here came the release of all the stories I carried. I understood I could not continue to carry these stories and align with the Divine within me.
Now this latest one is the real deal. Releasing the original split of myself. Going all the way, as high as it goes, to release this huge partition. Initially, I felt such a relief. I understood how we were doing everything differently this time. It felt so freeing. I no longer felt defined by anything. No stories to remember, no history to atone for, no roles to limit my behavior. What’s not to love about that?!
Then it hit me…without all of the responsibility, stories, guilt, judgment, and roles, who am I now? What is left? I feel like my mind/ego successfully maintained a rigid maze that I was allowed to explore and occupy and even expand as needed. My light could fill and even overflow this maze without any issue. It was Me. I mindfully managed Me.
My maze is now gone! My light has no impediments, no limits. I no longer am able to be mindful of Me! In order to fully embrace this latest clearing, I must be “heartful” not mindful of everything. There is no need for definitions, limitations, or distractions. There is no hole to fill. I am the divine Being of light. The Universe. All of it. So, to answer the question above, who I Am? “I Am”!
Sarah Avignone
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression
Who Do You Judge Most? The Path to Remembrance…
In most belief systems, we believe some sort of judgment is the ultimate reality. Someone judging us (and us judging others) is the basis of a majority of what motivates most of us, whether or not it’s conscious.
What’s important to look at and begin to remember is that judgment is based in duality, as we created it. Duality, in its nature, is the perception that there could possibly be something that is “not Divine”; it’s where we, as the Oneness/Divine Consciousness, decided to create what we can understand as partitions to create this illusion, to perceive what it would be like to look back on our Self.
From there was born the perception of a “me” and “not me”… and from that, the idea that there could possibly be something that existed that was completely “outside” of me… and “outside” of the Divine. From that, we created separation, and from THAT comes the perception of right/wrong, good/bad, good/evil… which ultimately is the basis of judgment.
So, judgment was birthed in this existence of separation and duality… and is limited to existing within that illusion.
The Divine Consciousness – the Oneness, Source, Spirit, God, Creator, whatever you want to call it – simply IS. When we perceive everything around us without separation, with complete acceptance for all as the Divine, we simply live in unconditional love for all that is, AS all that is… which (to my understanding) is the highest, only absolute Truth.
To remember our existence in that space while in the body, and to release ALL of the obstacles (physical, environmental, emotional, and spiritual) we have created, the BIGGEST first step is to release the need to judge and be judged. In reality, the biggest judge in the existence of duality is OURSELVES; it’s the ego (which was created to explore the idea and creation of the illusion of separation) that decides based on its filter of individual experience… and then decides what’s “right” or “wrong” based on those experiences. We judge ourselves based on the projection of judgment by others and by what we’re taught… we judge others based on the judgments we hold within ourselves. Often, we’re not even conscious the judgment we hold is on ourselves. I’ve seen many situations where someone had a very low self-esteem without any determining external factors in their current life; yet, on exploration and the continual releasing process of the person, they came to understand the extreme self-judgment and beliefs of lack of worthiness came from self-judgment due to experiences in other lives. Many who are activists in certain areas… were what they consider the actual perpetrators in other lives, their self-judgment causing them to go to the other extreme in this one.
In the healing/releasing process of remembering our natural, Divine State, what’s the most important, FIRST AND FOREMOST, is releasing the need to judge or be judged; to value the Self based on the judgment of others (it’s none of our business what others think of us… because ultimately what they think of us is only where THEY are on their journey); to remember that judgment and duality is simply illusion, and to understand from the perspective of higher consciousness that there’s a purpose for EVERYTHING that we create in our multi-reality. It’s when we can accept all as part of the Divine, as part of the illusion, and that there is no real “right/wrong,” “good/bad,” but only degrees of the illusion of separation that we have created, that we can release judgment, look at ALL of what holds us back… and finally RELEASE it, however it’s been manifested into our reality… release those partitions we’ve created that prevent us from remembering that we are ALL the Divine, 100%… and remember the bliss of the whole, around us and within ourselves (and that there’s no difference between the two).
~ Angela Beyer Coulter
Originator, Trinity Energy Progression
D5 Creation