Whatever happens to be bothering you, angering you, troubling you and/or irritating you, just look at it.

I have been going through a very difficult time the last several months. It all started with my Twin Flame walking out; that is, leaving his body and a new soul entering. I was upset about it at first as well as sad, angry, and confused. Over time, I have slowly forgotten many memories I have had of him because I am willing to accept, for the most part, that he isn’t here (incarnate) anymore. It’s actually been quite alleviating, in the long run. He was my goal for a long time. Well, only about 4 years; but that feels like a long time to be suffering, chasing, and running the way I was.  Apparently I had cords with him that caused me to need/want to be with him romantically. Luckily, the new soul that walked in helped me break that cord. So, the Twin Flame issues are over, for the most part. I still miss him and flinch a little when there is something that reminds me of him; but I am clearing that.

The biggest issue I have been having is a physical sensitivity issue. Suicide has not been far from my mind since mid-October, 2014. Since that time, my body has become more and more uncomfortable each week.  Just skin touching other parts of my skin, especially when it involves any of my skin folds, is excruciating. I can barely bring myself to wear bras. This means I can’t go out dancing or rock climbing, or any of the things I would otherwise do because it would cause pain (such as boobies bashing around from not wearing a bra; or wearing one and being in excruciating discomfort the whole time). This has also caused me to not be able to work out because I have to wear two bras, which is extra uncomfortable. This has made the problem to worse, as I have gained weight. I have started working out again, but it will take some time to get back to where I was body shape-wise.

I had, for a time, lost faith in Trinity as well; or perhaps it’s really I lost faith in myself. I still have the other sensitivity issue with sound that I have yet to let go of. Why would this be any different?

I can’t say for sure why this is happening, but I’m resisting so hard. Or, at least I was. Many fears, many ego-driven emotions are driving this resistance. But, just my unwillingness to look at it was making it far worse. I didn’t want to let go of that part of me that pitied myself. I didn’t want to stop loathing myself. For whatever reason I wouldn’t stop, I cannot say why. I think it’s because it’s an addiction; it has been a huge part of my identity for a very long time. I have no idea who I am without it. It was also clear I didn’t want to look internally as I wasn’t reaching out for support. I knew that just talking with any of my Trinity family about it would quickly break or shatter any walls I had put up to keep that identity. I didn’t want to take responsibility that I was causing it all; and I still am.

With the help of a dear friend and Trinity Energy Progression™ Brother, every excuse I had, to not look at this issue, was quickly shattered. It was like a thin layer of ice breaking into a beautiful symphony of delicate pieces, all destined to hit the ground and melt away. I knew this. I damn well knew that my walls were flimsy and silly. I am grateful that I am able to look at the issues, or at least look at the issues that prevented me from looking at my sensitivity issue. I guess that’s the first step, eh? *face palm*

I have yet to release either sensitivity issue (skin and sound); but, if I can accept that I may never be able to, I can at least change my reaction to them. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to face. It’s one thing for me to face an emotion. That is cake! I just have an emotional poop for…. say thirty seconds to a few minutes at the most; then I’m done. Even physical pain, I can tolerate to the point where I can work on it and go into Trinity to release it (or whatever is causing it).

This pain is different. It’s like…. it’s very hard to describe to someone that does not experience it. Do you know the sound of “nails on a chalk board”?  You know how there is no actual physical pain, but it still hurts, somehow? Now, imagine that pain happens in your head …  whenever you see or hear one of those things that I am sensitive to, such as someone popping gum, chewing with their mouth open, or even just tapping their feet, etc.

Those sounds haven’t been so bad to deal with. I just simply avoid crowded areas or walk or move away. I might even cover my ears or eyes. I can at least stop that pain. This new irritation is just from skin touching skin. It’s if someone was tickling you with tiny blades of grass and you were never able to scratch it; then add an element of pain in there.

My new development on this issue is that if I can’t figure out how to release it, I can at least release my reaction to it. It still hurts, it still causes discomfort; but I have been able to lessen my anger and frustration. I am trying my best to be grateful for that feeling, and experiencing it. It helps for a time. It seems to come back after an hour or so.

Anyway, my point to this is that ……. just look at it. Whatever it is; if you have a problem, it is best not to run from it. Because first off, you really can’t run from it. It will still be there; and second, you can’t and won’t change any of it if you don’t just look at it. More than likely, you’re making “it” (whatever “it” is to you) out to be much worse than it really is. If you can’t change the problem, at least change the way you react to it. Release everything that would cause you to have a negative reaction to it or fear looking it. Just, take baby steps.

With LOVE,

Ashley Warren
Facilitator, Trinity Energy Progression

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