Things are falling away. All things. Family, friends, connection to places and things. It’s so hard to believe sometimes, but here I am. This has at times made me feel so alone… but when I get past the habit of the reaction, freedom is all I feel! I have noticed that many of my emotional reactions are habitual and connected to specific recurrent events. They are the old self-imposed expectations under which I am still operating: the roles I cling to, the habitual ways of being and thinking am I used to. I realize that I no longer need to fall into those patterns. I can choose to do it differently. When I remember that there are no rules, that nothing has to be done “that way” again… the freedom overwhelms me! The freedom of being who we are with no boundaries! The freedom of choosing only the things that bring us to the awareness of Us! This is why so many things are falling away.
The more I become authentically Me, the more those people and things that/who don’t resonate move away. The more I become authentically Me, the more things that don’t resonate within me are shown to me. It feels like I keep bringing in more of Me, Remembering more of Me. The way I can describe what this feels like is that I can actually feel the substance of my being more powerfully and more physically. I am coming into a more full remembrance of who I am. I feel more solid. I feel more full of the awareness and power of who I am. I am adjusting to it.
This adjustment has caused what I call “the wool sweater phenomena”: When I am making choices that are not aligned with my authentic self, my life feels like a scratchy wool sweater. Not that a wool sweater isn’t warm and snuggly on a cold winter day, but when it’s worn on bare skin it can be one of the most uncomfortable pieces of clothing! I know I chose this as a reminder to pull me back to Being Me. I wanted a reminder that was gentle, easy, but persistent. Loud enough I would listen, but not so loud it would knock me over the head. This would remind me of my commitment to Authenticity. A reminder to look at what is not resonating with Me and not to fall in patterns that no longer serve. Patterns that are not going to move me in the direction of True Self. This irritable feeling of constriction and friction reminds me that I am not in my Wholeness. That I am giving my power away to a situation, to another, to a thing, to a behavior, etc. You name it. Whatever it is, it is not aligning with who I am… and the wool sweater feeling is the tap on the shoulder to pay attention and to remember to change it by aligning thought, word, and deed to Wholeness.
Although very uncomfortable, I’m grateful for my “wool sweater” reminder. I am hopeful that I do not lose sight of my commitment and that I see the distractions for what they are so I don’t choose a bigger tap on the shoulder! Staying in the awareness that we are choosing all the time, in every area of our existence is so liberating. The validation that this has brought me has also been immeasurable. Every constricting wool sweater feeling is the reminder that I am definitely not in alignment with my expansive self. It is my opportunity to exercise my Creator muscle. To observe, allow understanding and then change to be in the Truth of my Wholeness.
Whatever our chosen reminders are, they are there to lead us to our Wholeness. They are there to continually bring awareness to who we Are. The Divine Beings that we are, are not observers of our lives but the active creators of it. Whatever “wool sweater” you have chosen, remember its purpose. Remember that if you don’t like it, you can change it. You are choosing the path to your True Self. As we are getting closer, we are resonating to our true vibration and everything is aligning to that. While we don’t have full remembrance of what ultimate alignment is yet, in choice we create the space to allow Wholeness to expand.
Every day, I made choices about who and what I was and how I felt and thought about who and what I was. Did I even realize I was choosing? Nine times out of ten, no I didn’t… until recently, when I chose to start noticing. I made a conscious decision to reclaim my decisions. I realized I was feasting at the banquet of their consequences, so why should I remain unconscious of making them? I saw myself hoping things would turn out like I wanted or wishing things were different. Totally giving my power of creation away to anyone or anything slightly more focused than myself. Yuck and gross!
This refocus allowed me to really see just how many decisions, creations, I made – or not – each day. I was speechless and sad at how small I saw myself that I wasn’t even willing to step up and claim my own well being through choices. Everything is a choice. EVERYTHING. I now exert MY choices on MY life. I now choose to sleep well and wake up refreshed no matter how many minutes my eyes were closed. I now choose to be dis-ease and pain free. I now choose to honor and respect all of myself. I believe that is the true nature of the phrase I Am. I choose all that I am.
I think this is the most valuable gift you can offer someone – the power of choice. I used to believe I was a progressive mother in teaching my now adult children how to manage life. But I was falling so short in teaching them how to empower themselves through their choices. It is the same for family and friends. It is empowerment through choices instead of rescues and shelter. I overheard a friend explain how yoga becomes easy when you “stack the bones.” The balance is just there. I believe the same is true with choices! Your choices become the bones… and the rest aligns with them. So see with what your choices are aligning!
“…If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice…”
-Freewill, by Rush 1980
Sarah Sieg Avignone
Trinity Energy Progression Facilitator/Practitioner